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One down, 534 to go.

More cops:
Elementary school calls police because 6-year-old-boy accidentally brings a butter knife to school.

More cops:
Nurses at a home for the elderly indicted for feeding laxatives to patients right before they left for the day, to harass the next shift.

Guards, not cops:
The AP finally notices that US Army soldiers are trading pictures of dead and tortured Iraqis for porn.

[Edit: I missed a good one.]
Cops:
A woman was given a ticket for sitting on a park bench because she doesn't have children.

The Rivington Playground on Manhattan's East Side has a small sign at the entrance that says adults are prohibited unless they are accompanied by a child. Sandra Catena, 47, said she didn't see the sign when she sat down to wait for an arts festival to start.

Two New York City police officers asked her if she was with a child. When she said no, they gave her a ticket that could bring a $1,000 fine and 90 days in jail.
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