Real, True Headlines.

[theweaselking]

The headline: "Hamster Kills Man"

What the headline SHOULD have been: "Hamster fucking kills FOUR FUCKING PEOPLE Holy shit!"

Although, admittedly, three of those deaths were caused by incompetent Rhode Island doctors not checking for HAMSTER DEATH POISON in the organs of the woman who died of HAMSTER DEATH before implanting those organs in the other three people, who then in turn died of HAMSTER DEATH POISON INFECTION.

Comments

[kjn]

With big pointy TEETH!

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

Where's Greg House when you need him? He would have figured that out.

[elffin.livejournal.com]

I dunno. Same kinda shit scenario hit Perry Cox, and he and Greg House are neck-in-neck for snarky physician egomaniac godhood.

Edit: also, shakespeare is better in the original Klingon, and the silver surfer could totally whip the Human Torch in a fair fight.

[kadath.livejournal.com]

The Metro's captioning guy comes through again: "A hamster."

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

Note that it's usually not a very serious disease, except for unless you've got a compromised immune system, LIKE PEOPLE WHO GET ORGAN TRANSPLANTS. I wouldn't just be suing the pet shop.

[alienor77310.livejournal.com]

Hamster fucking kills FOUR FUCKING PEOPLE

I am so glad now that I never fucked any hamsters.

[unknownpoltroon.livejournal.com]

Who would you recommend suing when people start dying because it takes 3 months to test the liver for every disease ever heard of, no matter how unlikely it is?

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

How about suing the doctors who didn't test the organ for THE DISEASE THE DONOR DIED OF?

[anton-p-nym.livejournal.com]

I dunno, that'd be like suing an architect for faulty design after your house collapses... due to a plane crash. It's one of those one in a billion chances, and if you try to cover all of those your house'll never get built... or the transplant will become moot before you finish testing for every possible infection.

-- Steve's sad it happened, but thinks there's no one really at fault here.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

It's not "every possible infection".

It's "the one, single infection THAT KILLED THE DONOR".

It's like suing a builder when your house collapses because, without telling you, he used termite-infested wood from a termite-infested house THAT COLLAPSED BECAUSE OF TERMITES.

[anton-p-nym.livejournal.com]

That'll teach me to read on the run... I missed the line stating that they knew this was the cause of death for the donor... mistaking the reference as referring to the recipients.

-- Steve's gotta slow down the reading a tad... stop bolting that food for thought before he hurkkkk.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

In Soviet Richard Gere, hamster fuck you!

[corruptedjasper.livejournal.com]

It's actually not there, at all.

The autopsy for *Magee* says it's disease A, but he's one of the recipients. There's no indication that they knew at the time of transplantation that the woman donor had any disease, let alone this particular one. Which makes a lot more sense as doctors tend not to be great big morons.