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theweaselkingMONGOOSE GETS PARANOID
New PARANOIA XP edition and support line debut in August 2004
The Computer: Greetings, citizen! How may I help you?
Player: I hear Mongoose Publishing is releasing a new edition of the
Paranoia roleplaying game this August. What can you tell me about it?
The Computer: State your reason for requesting this information.
Player: Uh... I guess I was wondering whether to buy it.
The Computer: Excellent, citizen! You wish to legitimately purchase this
product, rather than steal The Computer's valuable intellectual property
like a traitorous data pirate. This demonstrates your loyalty to the
ideals of Alpha Complex.
Brought to you by The Computer's brilliant researchers in the R&D
service firms of MNG Sector, PARANOIA XP is the entirely updated and
perfected version of the darkly humorous RPG originally published by
West End Games. The new edition's writers include PARANOIA co-creator
Greg Costikyan, longtime paranoiac Allen Varney, and Famous Game
Designer Aaron Allston. There are also devious and subtle new
contributions from the original PARANOIA line editor, Ken Rolston.
Player: Is PARANOIA XP still about living in an underground city of the
future ruled by an insane Computer?
The Computer: The Computer is not "insane." Traitors lurk everywhere. In
the old days, The Computer's loyal Troubleshooters only worried about
Commie subversion, secret society sabotage, unregistered mutants, robot
liberators, feuding High Programmers, tainted drugs, exploding food
vats, nuclear hand grenades, and the occasional giant atomic cockroach.
How naive!
Now your clone family faces not only these persistent threats, but a new
host of looming dangers such as viral licenses, closed-source genetic
retooling, identity rentals, subconscious post-hypnotic brain-spam,
Infrared-market WMD auction sites, and filesharing.
Player: Filesharing?
The Computer: Filesharing is Communism! Fortunately, The Computer's
loyal Central Processing service firms have devised many innovative
digital-rights management methods to shield you from temptation. The
most promising methods manage your actual physical digits. Would you
care to get your fingerprints remapped?
Player: Uh... maybe later. Is this new PARANOIA XP anything like the
game's earlier editions?
The Computer: PARANOIA XP combines the scary-funny, sardonic tone of
PARANOIA's first edition (1984) with the fast-playing, rules-light
approach of the second edition (1987).
Player: Are you using the d20 rules system?
The Computer: No. PARANOIA is fun. D20 games are not fun. The Computer
says so.
PARANOIA's second edition rules were, of course, perfect. The new
PARANOIA XP expunges certain imperfections introduced by subversive
elements, and will be even more perfect.
Remember, citizen, PARANOIA is a game of satire, not parody. It is not
-- attend to this -- NOT "wacky." Expect NO awful misfiring "wacky"
parodies of Westerns, cyberpunk, Arthurian myth, post-holocaust
Australia, or angsty goth-punk blather.
Player: "Orcbusters" was a parody of fantasy games, wasn't it?
The Computer: "Orcbusters" obtained prior Internal Security approval
using Special Registered Parody Dispensation Form KR1986-12/j. All
unregistered parodies are treason.
Instead, the new PARANOIA XP support line recalls the illustrious
releases of 1984-88, such as Acute Paranoia, Send in the Clones, Alpha
Complexities, and the award-winning Yellow Clearance Black Box Blues.
Mongoose will reissue updated versions of much of this excellent
material soon after PARANOIA XP debuts.
Player: Does the new edition use material from the "Fifth Edition"?
The Computer: There is no Fifth Edition.
Player: Huh? Come on, I've seen it myself!
The Computer: You are mistaken, citizen. No Fifth Edition was published
by West End Games in 1995, nor did West End show pages from a projected
"Long Lost Third Edition" at GenCon in 1997. Note that there also has
never been a Crash Course Manual, nor any "Secret Society Wars,"
"MegaWhoops," or "Reboot Camp" adventures.
These products never existed. They are now un-products.
Are you absolutely clear on this, citizen? Do you still doubt The
Computer? Perhaps you need to visit the Bright Vision Re-Education
Center.
Player: Uh, no! I trust The Computer. The Computer is my friend! But
Friend Computer -- against all the dangers you so brilliantly
enumerated, how can I possibly survive?
The Computer: I'm sorry, that information is not available at your
security clearance.
PARANOIA XP. AUGUST 2004. MONGOOSE PUBLISHING.
BUY PARANOIA. IT WILL BE FUN. FUN IS MANDATORY.
New PARANOIA XP edition and support line debut in August 2004
The Computer: Greetings, citizen! How may I help you?
Player: I hear Mongoose Publishing is releasing a new edition of the
Paranoia roleplaying game this August. What can you tell me about it?
The Computer: State your reason for requesting this information.
Player: Uh... I guess I was wondering whether to buy it.
The Computer: Excellent, citizen! You wish to legitimately purchase this
product, rather than steal The Computer's valuable intellectual property
like a traitorous data pirate. This demonstrates your loyalty to the
ideals of Alpha Complex.
Brought to you by The Computer's brilliant researchers in the R&D
service firms of MNG Sector, PARANOIA XP is the entirely updated and
perfected version of the darkly humorous RPG originally published by
West End Games. The new edition's writers include PARANOIA co-creator
Greg Costikyan, longtime paranoiac Allen Varney, and Famous Game
Designer Aaron Allston. There are also devious and subtle new
contributions from the original PARANOIA line editor, Ken Rolston.
Player: Is PARANOIA XP still about living in an underground city of the
future ruled by an insane Computer?
The Computer: The Computer is not "insane." Traitors lurk everywhere. In
the old days, The Computer's loyal Troubleshooters only worried about
Commie subversion, secret society sabotage, unregistered mutants, robot
liberators, feuding High Programmers, tainted drugs, exploding food
vats, nuclear hand grenades, and the occasional giant atomic cockroach.
How naive!
Now your clone family faces not only these persistent threats, but a new
host of looming dangers such as viral licenses, closed-source genetic
retooling, identity rentals, subconscious post-hypnotic brain-spam,
Infrared-market WMD auction sites, and filesharing.
Player: Filesharing?
The Computer: Filesharing is Communism! Fortunately, The Computer's
loyal Central Processing service firms have devised many innovative
digital-rights management methods to shield you from temptation. The
most promising methods manage your actual physical digits. Would you
care to get your fingerprints remapped?
Player: Uh... maybe later. Is this new PARANOIA XP anything like the
game's earlier editions?
The Computer: PARANOIA XP combines the scary-funny, sardonic tone of
PARANOIA's first edition (1984) with the fast-playing, rules-light
approach of the second edition (1987).
Player: Are you using the d20 rules system?
The Computer: No. PARANOIA is fun. D20 games are not fun. The Computer
says so.
PARANOIA's second edition rules were, of course, perfect. The new
PARANOIA XP expunges certain imperfections introduced by subversive
elements, and will be even more perfect.
Remember, citizen, PARANOIA is a game of satire, not parody. It is not
-- attend to this -- NOT "wacky." Expect NO awful misfiring "wacky"
parodies of Westerns, cyberpunk, Arthurian myth, post-holocaust
Australia, or angsty goth-punk blather.
Player: "Orcbusters" was a parody of fantasy games, wasn't it?
The Computer: "Orcbusters" obtained prior Internal Security approval
using Special Registered Parody Dispensation Form KR1986-12/j. All
unregistered parodies are treason.
Instead, the new PARANOIA XP support line recalls the illustrious
releases of 1984-88, such as Acute Paranoia, Send in the Clones, Alpha
Complexities, and the award-winning Yellow Clearance Black Box Blues.
Mongoose will reissue updated versions of much of this excellent
material soon after PARANOIA XP debuts.
Player: Does the new edition use material from the "Fifth Edition"?
The Computer: There is no Fifth Edition.
Player: Huh? Come on, I've seen it myself!
The Computer: You are mistaken, citizen. No Fifth Edition was published
by West End Games in 1995, nor did West End show pages from a projected
"Long Lost Third Edition" at GenCon in 1997. Note that there also has
never been a Crash Course Manual, nor any "Secret Society Wars,"
"MegaWhoops," or "Reboot Camp" adventures.
These products never existed. They are now un-products.
Are you absolutely clear on this, citizen? Do you still doubt The
Computer? Perhaps you need to visit the Bright Vision Re-Education
Center.
Player: Uh, no! I trust The Computer. The Computer is my friend! But
Friend Computer -- against all the dangers you so brilliantly
enumerated, how can I possibly survive?
The Computer: I'm sorry, that information is not available at your
security clearance.
PARANOIA XP. AUGUST 2004. MONGOOSE PUBLISHING.
BUY PARANOIA. IT WILL BE FUN. FUN IS MANDATORY.