theweaselking | Thursday is Wednesday this week!

For Mississippi, a state that didn't officially outlaw slavery until late last year, South Dakota's law was something of a slap in the face. State lawmakers began to openly ask themselves if they really have what it takes, if their conservative ideals had given way to namby-pamby nonsense like "representative governance" and "rule of law."

In a bold move, the Mississippi legislature completely leapfrogged their Northern cousins on Wednesday by passing a bill to ban both pregnancy termination and the teaching of evolution, all in one go. President Bush personally telephoned state House speaker Bill McCoy to congratulate him on both his unwavering conservatism and ruthless efficiency.

When the law goes into effect at the end of this month, Mississippi's public institutions must rid themselves of any and all references to contraception or evolution. That means removing dinosaurs from school textbooks as well as monkeys from the state's many zoos. The change will also entail declaring the fossil record and any other Darwin-friendly scientific "evidence" to be obscene, thereby removing the First Amendment protections Southern evolutionists have hidden behind all these many decades.

"When I took the oath of office I swore on a holy Bible that I would protect the people of this state," said Governor Haley Barbour, plucking a nose hair to produce a tear. "Homosexuals and giant lizards have had it too damn easy for too damn long- all at the expense of America's families. The bottom line is that gay dinosaurs can no longer marry or perform abortions in my state. Not on my watch."