I mean, it's not nice to judge, but I honestly cannot fathom what kind of hormonal/emotional drives those women have. "Baby fever?" When you have three more depending on you already!? I don't know which creeps me out more, the total disrespect and disregard of the man's feelings and wishes in the matter ("DH" my backside, he's not your dear husband or anything, apparently he's just your stud stallion), or the implied total disrespect and disregard of your elder children as individuals that need you and the implication that a baby is Just For You.
Not Toys, people.
Turnabout is fair play---you stop taking the pill without telling the husband, he should be able to get a vasectomy without telling you. Yes, one is reversible and one is not. But in that case a pregnancy isn't really reversible either.
(And the word "spermie" is just wrong on another level, too.)
That whole discussion falls into the category of "I can't figure out which is more wrong, the fact that she's doing this to her husband, or that she feels completely comfortable admitting it and angling for support". That's not a marriage, that's a live-in sperm donor.
I think what horrifies me the most, however, is that I didn't see a dissenting comment until I jumped to the end after the first 4 pages. Do people honestly think it is right to deceive a spouse about a matter like this?
Putting holes in condoms and going off birth control without telling their DHs (Darling Husbands!)? That is sick. These women are certifiable. That's right up there with "Don't worry honey, I'm sterile." Yep, I had a boyfriend say that before. After I broke up with him he impregnated his other ex with twins. But then denied they were his. Because he is "sterile". Gah.
That's disgusting, but not because it's wrong to lie to your spouse (even though it is), and not because it's a good idea for both parents to *want* to have a child together (even though it is).
It's disgusting because there's a complete ignorance of consequence, here. If my wife had tricked me into having another baby, and then acted like it wasn't only justified by the fact that she *really, really wanted one*, but *funny* because I was tricked, I'm pretty sure I would leave. Right there.
I agree that this is so very, very wrong. Marriage is supposed to be about a partnership and where is it in these marriages? Honestly, my first thought was 'Just how much worse is this than 'Date Rape'. And then I slapped myself because I know better. But its still a violation of the rights of the guy. Some people are really screwed up.
That's awful, but it surprises how acceptable this idea is to some people. Neither me nor my bloke want kids. He's really anti children, I'm just not bothered. But a load of my older female friends told me that he'd make a lovely father and that I should get pregnant 'by accident' because then he would have to accept it. This was three or four women, all independently, none of whom know each other.
The fact that this would be one of the biggest betrayals you could face in a relationship, and that neither of us actually want or like children, didn't seem in the slightest bit important to them.
I realized a long time ago that a lot of guys are very distrustful of women when it comes to sex, mainly that they believe women have an ulterior motive and are trying to get knocked up. I was pretty wierded by the phenomenon. I believe this constitutes proof that their paranoia is not unfounded.
Holy crap that's disturbing. Both of my dad's brothers have four kids each, but in both cases it was my aunts who said "Enough". Even if they had wanted more, I can't imagine they'd ever have been so deceptive.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-04 10:31 pm (UTC)I mean, it's not nice to judge, but I honestly cannot fathom what kind of hormonal/emotional drives those women have. "Baby fever?" When you have three more depending on you already!? I don't know which creeps me out more, the total disrespect and disregard of the man's feelings and wishes in the matter ("DH" my backside, he's not your dear husband or anything, apparently he's just your stud stallion), or the implied total disrespect and disregard of your elder children as individuals that need you and the implication that a baby is Just For You.
Not Toys, people.
Turnabout is fair play---you stop taking the pill without telling the husband, he should be able to get a vasectomy without telling you. Yes, one is reversible and one is not. But in that case a pregnancy isn't really reversible either.
(And the word "spermie" is just wrong on another level, too.)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-04 10:50 pm (UTC)That is disturbing on so many levels.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 12:46 am (UTC)That whole discussion falls into the category of "I can't figure out which is more wrong, the fact that she's doing this to her husband, or that she feels completely comfortable admitting it and angling for support". That's not a marriage, that's a live-in sperm donor.
I think what horrifies me the most, however, is that I didn't see a dissenting comment until I jumped to the end after the first 4 pages. Do people honestly think it is right to deceive a spouse about a matter like this?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 01:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 02:19 am (UTC)It's disgusting because there's a complete ignorance of consequence, here. If my wife had tricked me into having another baby, and then acted like it wasn't only justified by the fact that she *really, really wanted one*, but *funny* because I was tricked, I'm pretty sure I would leave. Right there.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-18 08:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 02:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 05:33 am (UTC)They're beyond digusting. Repugnant. Nauseating. Grounds (I pray) for divorce.
(First word in second sentance? A typo. I thought I'd written "That's", not "They're". I'm letting it stand.)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 08:50 am (UTC)The fact that this would be one of the biggest betrayals you could face in a relationship, and that neither of us actually want or like children, didn't seem in the slightest bit important to them.
It's deeply freaky.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 03:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-05 06:25 pm (UTC)This needs a name. "Niobe Complex", perhaps?