The King Of Hypocrisy!

A man is accused of applying Vaseline petroleum jelly to every surface in his room at a Motel Six near Binghamton, New York.

After Roger Chamberlain checked out last week, the cleaning crew discovered mattresses and bedding were slathered with the slippery stuff. Vaseline covered the TV set, furniture, carpeting and towels -- and everything else in the room.

Police found 14 empty Vaseline containers and numerous pornographic magazines in the room's trash can.

Damage to the motel room and its contents was estimated at over $1,000.

A sheriff's deputy found the Virginia man a short time later at another motel. The deputy said the man was "smeared from head to foot with Vaseline..."

More cases in favour of sex education.

Want a baby? Have sex!

A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex.

The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests.

Doctors subjected them to a series of examinations and found they were both apparently fertile, and should have had no trouble conceiving.

A clinic spokesperson said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?".

"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education.

Scraped from the friends page..

PROOF THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON: Girl Scout troops in Martin County, Fla., decided to have a Mother’s Day "scavenger hunt" at the Treasure Coast Square Mall. Fathers would accompany their daughters and go "window shopping" for items on the hunt list, marking them off as they spotted them, and then shop for a nice present for Mom when they were done. At least 150 father/daughter pairs signed up, but mall management wouldn’t allow the hunt, citing "security" concerns in the post-9/11 world. "Since Sept. 11, we have looked at our security procedures very closely," said mall spokeswoman Rachelle Crain. First, "How do we know they’re Girl Scouts?" she said of the uniformed 5- to 18-year-old girls. But, more importantly, "Our enhanced security prohibits us from hosting events that allow participants to wander freely around the mall area." (Stuart News) ...Right. Their dads could whip out a concealed credit card or something.

(from the ‘THIS is TRUE’ Newsletter for 9 May 2004)

Hamster for President?

Okay, I'm giving in and posting the bloody link already. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

Sheesh.
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Meet Potus, the hamster who was born for the presidency. One could say he's already half-way there, as he bears the name used by the Secret Service to speak of the "President Of The United States" (POTUS). But unlike the current occupant of the White House, Potus is gentle and harmless, and he faithfully promises that if elected he will remain a humble and sensible hamster who will run on his wheel all night, sleep all day, and let you, the voters, govern yourselves. No matter who is elected in 2004, there will be a "POTUS" in the White House. This web site exists to help you choose the right one.

And one more from the Ugly Zoo

Shakespeare, condensed.

PERICLES, PRINCE OF TYRE

ACT 1, PROLOGUE

NARRATOR: The king is having sex with his daughter, and to keep suitors from marrying her, he asks them to solve a riddle. If they don't solve it, he kills them. If they do solve it, he also kills them, since the answer is "the king is having sex with his daughter".

ACT 1, SCENE 1
Antioch

PERICLES: Hello, king. I'd like to marry your daughter.

ANTIOCHUS: Well, first you have to answer this riddle. Answer incorrectly, and you die:
My first is in Paris, my second in France,
The rest is...whatever, I'm having sex with my daughter.

PERICLES: Uh...how about if I answer that tomorrow?

ANTIOCHUS: Oh, sure, think about it as long as you like.

PERICLES: (aside) I suspect he's having sex with his daughter. I probably shouldn't say anything about it. Maybe I'll just go back home to Tyre. (he exits)

ANTIOCHUS: Hmm, I think he might have figured it out. Thaliard!

THALIARD: (entering) Yes?

ANTIOCHUS: I need you to kill Pericles for me.

THALIARD: Okay.

ACT 1, SCENE 2
Tyre.

HELICANUS: What's the matter, my lord?

PERICLES: Oh...the king of Antioch is sleeping with his daughter and now he wants to kill me because he's afraid I'll tell everyone about it or something. (He leans out the window.) OH, IF ONLY I HAD NEVER LEARNED HE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS DAUGHTER.

(no subject)

When geeks meet writers.

Pride and Extreme Prejudice

">>I'm now tempted to either write a novel about the Terminator
>>universe in the style of Jane Austen, or to write a Jane Austen
>>plot with the Terminator involved.

>Oh, definitely the latter. A Victorian comedy-of-manners with an
>undercover shapeshifting robotic assassin from the future who's....
>hmm.... who's trying to stop someone else from...

making an unfortuante marriage."

You probably don't want to know this.

No, really, you *don't* want to know.

You have been warned.

Oh, yeah.

NOT WORK SAFE.

( Read more... )

And we’re proud of that pride, too

Quoth Teresa Nielsen Hayden:

"Further evidence that Texas should be thrown out of the United States, if not sawed off the mainland and pushed out to sea:

Unitarian Universalists have for decades presided over births, marriages and memorials. The church operates in every state, with more than 5,000 members in Texas alone.

But according to the office of Texas Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn, a Denison Unitarian church isn’t really a religious organization--at least for tax purposes. Its reasoning: the organization "does not have one system of belief."

Never before--not in this state or any other--has a government agency denied Unitarians tax-exempt status because of the group’s religious philosophy, church officials say. Strayhorn’s ruling clearly infringes upon religious liberties, said Dan Althoff, board president for the Denison congregation that was rejected for tax exemption by the comptroller’s office.

"I was surprised--surprised and shocked--because the Unitarian church in the United States has a very long history," said Althoff, who notes that father-and-son presidents John Adams and John Quincy Adams were both Unitarians. [...] "