Shakespeare, condensed.
May. 18th, 2004 04:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theweaselkingPERICLES, PRINCE OF TYRE
ACT 1, PROLOGUE
NARRATOR: The king is having sex with his daughter, and to keep suitors from marrying her, he asks them to solve a riddle. If they don't solve it, he kills them. If they do solve it, he also kills them, since the answer is "the king is having sex with his daughter".
ACT 1, SCENE 1
Antioch
PERICLES: Hello, king. I'd like to marry your daughter.
ANTIOCHUS: Well, first you have to answer this riddle. Answer incorrectly, and you die:
My first is in Paris, my second in France,
The rest is...whatever, I'm having sex with my daughter.
PERICLES: Uh...how about if I answer that tomorrow?
ANTIOCHUS: Oh, sure, think about it as long as you like.
PERICLES: (aside) I suspect he's having sex with his daughter. I probably shouldn't say anything about it. Maybe I'll just go back home to Tyre. (he exits)
ANTIOCHUS: Hmm, I think he might have figured it out. Thaliard!
THALIARD: (entering) Yes?
ANTIOCHUS: I need you to kill Pericles for me.
THALIARD: Okay.
ACT 1, SCENE 2
Tyre.
HELICANUS: What's the matter, my lord?
PERICLES: Oh...the king of Antioch is sleeping with his daughter and now he wants to kill me because he's afraid I'll tell everyone about it or something. (He leans out the window.) OH, IF ONLY I HAD NEVER LEARNED HE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS DAUGHTER.
ACT 1, PROLOGUE
NARRATOR: The king is having sex with his daughter, and to keep suitors from marrying her, he asks them to solve a riddle. If they don't solve it, he kills them. If they do solve it, he also kills them, since the answer is "the king is having sex with his daughter".
ACT 1, SCENE 1
Antioch
PERICLES: Hello, king. I'd like to marry your daughter.
ANTIOCHUS: Well, first you have to answer this riddle. Answer incorrectly, and you die:
My first is in Paris, my second in France,
The rest is...whatever, I'm having sex with my daughter.
PERICLES: Uh...how about if I answer that tomorrow?
ANTIOCHUS: Oh, sure, think about it as long as you like.
PERICLES: (aside) I suspect he's having sex with his daughter. I probably shouldn't say anything about it. Maybe I'll just go back home to Tyre. (he exits)
ANTIOCHUS: Hmm, I think he might have figured it out. Thaliard!
THALIARD: (entering) Yes?
ANTIOCHUS: I need you to kill Pericles for me.
THALIARD: Okay.
ACT 1, SCENE 2
Tyre.
HELICANUS: What's the matter, my lord?
PERICLES: Oh...the king of Antioch is sleeping with his daughter and now he wants to kill me because he's afraid I'll tell everyone about it or something. (He leans out the window.) OH, IF ONLY I HAD NEVER LEARNED HE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS DAUGHTER.