theweaselking | Jan. 9th, 2007

Jan. 9th, 2007

Police and firefighters rescued a Long Island man who had been trapped in his bedroom for four days after piling up a 7-foot-high mountain made up of bags of his own feces, jars of urine and other debris.

A cyclist hits the road with the Thrustpac – a petrol-driven propeller which enables bicycle users to hit speeds of up to 130kph (80mph).

The device is controlled by a special glove which allows the rider to accelerate or slow down simply by flexing their index finger.

Inventor Don Burgess said it can do 240km (150 miles) to the gallon, making it one of the most-fuel efficient modes of transport. Except, you know, actually cycling.

'This is a totally unique concept in the transportation world today,' said Burgess.

'The freedom from high fuel prices, the absolute fun of the wind in your hair while being pushed along effortlessly is amazing. Saving the environment has never been so much fun.'

What could possibly go wrong?

On January 8th, 1880 Joshua Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, fell down with a coronary at the corner of California and Grant(then Dupont) Street in San Francisco. While the hill of California Street is probably responsible for a lot of heart attacks, this heart attack is notable in that it killed the former rice merchant, ending his 21 year reign. Emperor Joshua Norton I is responsible for many of the things we take for granted about living in San Francisco, from the idea of a bridge to Oakland to the way that the word "Frisco" grates on your nerves. He died before he hit the pavement.

His funeral a few days later was also notable for many reasons. It was paid for entirely by the Freemasons, the train of people following his casket to Lone Mountain Cemetary was close to half a mile long, and it was darkened by a solar eclipse. Do we really need any more proof that he really was the Emperor?

Do something in honor of the Emperor tonight!