theweaselking | Dear Concerned Conservatives

I've heard that some of you are alarmed about Prince's display at the Superbowl. As well you should be. Your concerns are completly RATIONAL and JUSTIFIED.

I'm gonna confess something, Concerned Conservatives of America - that was no "wardrobe malfunction" or "guitar". That was his penis. Mine looks just like it. That's our secret. All Black men have THREE FOOT LONG DOUBLE PENISES. We use them to ensnare nice white girls at colleges we can't get into (without athletic scholarships or affirmative action). Once we get old, fat, and lazy (age 19) you'll find us scoping out the church picnics.

Now take a close look at THAT THREE FOOT LONG DOUBLE PENIS. The bottom one curves around, but it's the top one you should worry about. See that barb-looking thing on the end? Check it out - it's like a fishhook. Once we get that thing into your women, it gets stuck. Don't deny the EVIDENCE right before your eyes, that's how you lost the elections. You boys need to protect your trophy wives or we'll be taking pictures with them like they're bigmouth bass.

Now look. Despite my unemployed status, I'm far too lazy to chase women. Besides, I might trip over my BARBED, THREE FOOT LONG DOUBLE PENIS. Please, Concerned Conservatives, deliver your wives to the Travis County conjugal visit trailer on visiting day.

Thank you,