Greatest interview in history.

[theweaselking]

JOHN GIBSON, HOST: Last week we told you about the overtly racist column which was published in San Francisco's AsianWeek. At that point the editor of the paper had apologized for publishing the column and since then he has also fired the writer, Kenneth Eng.

What made Eng write that column in the first place? Why does he say that he hates blacks and whites and even his fellow Asians? With me now is self-proclaimed Asian supremacist Kenneth Eng.

So, Mr. Eng, have you changed your mind?

KENNETH ENG, AUTHOR OF "WHY I HATE BLACKS": Well no, and personally if I'm racist then so is Sofia Coppola. And more importantly I'd like to talk about the philosophy of "Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate," which tells a story about cyborg dragons fighting in the Middle Ages. And in this realm, evolution has worked in a more logical way, even though it's in a fantasy setting which makes it logical that dragons are more superior than humans, in that they have intelligence and are larger and they can...

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It gets better

Fox News evidently hasn't figured out that he's just doing it for attention.

Oooh! Oooh! Amazon previews of the book!

Time is not a concept. It is a word. And like any word, it can be
manipulated according to one's subjective state. Just like quantum
mechanics and relativity are unified in that they require perception
to create reality, every passing trice can be toiled at one's will -
or against one's will. Yet, in the tides of linear moments and
unfolded space, there is a realm beyond which any ordinary creature
can reach. One must forget everything he has learned and retain only
the one thing that matters in existence if he is to attain the
ultimate state of omniscience - the essence of the Lexicon.

Across the lands of the ever-changing World, between the globe's poles
and past the dying terrain of Aurahelm, there laid the prominent
kingdom of Drakemight. It was a civilization as grand as it was
elegant, a place where knowledge towered above all else. Architecture
stretched to the skies in the forms of simple geometric shapes,
complex and intelligently crafted, but untainted by the opposing
thumbs of man. No, this was a kingdom of dragons, undimmed in
splendor amidst the fabric of glorious earth, striving to survive and
striving to understand all that laid within comprehension.

In front of the walls that surrounded its perimeters, there was a
single dragon that stood guard under the dusk sky. Perching upon the
edge of the stony barricade, he watched over the mossy, rock-speckled
plains that lay past the city, making certain that no attackers
breached. Or, at least he was supposed to be watching. Instead,
however, his green eyes were fixated on a book in his emerald-scaled
talons, deeply engrossed in the physical and scientific laws it
dictated upon its pages. He was aware that his actions were an
explicit violation of collective code, but he wasn't worried. His
battle-scarred plate armor and tarnished scabbard were enough to
remind him that he had quite enough experience to combat any poor soul
that dared to assail his post.

"Interesting," muttered Dennagon to himself. "The force of gravity is
9.8 meters per second squared on this planet, but not in space. I
wonder if 'space' actually exists."

His eyes crawled down to the bottom of the page. He did not want to
stray in his thought, for he felt that he had not read enough today.

"Oh well, I'll probably never travel there anyway," he said to quell
his imagination.

The wind flipped a page just as he finished it. At the same moment, a
clutter of footsteps rumbled the terrain. They were metallic, banging
against the stones upon the field and tearing up the moss upon the
dirt. A loud cranking sound churned as well, wooden and monstrous.
However, Dennagon did not even budge. He knew what was coming and how
to handle it.

A train of human knights with shimmering armor and horses of aegises
adorned marched forth. Wheeling a catapult amongst their lines, they
loaded a boulder. Equipping their shields, they fell into combative
positions, orderly as they were taught to by their predecessors.
Reptilian bones decorated their tunics, granting them their only
source of bravery in this battle.

And now, an interview with Eng, wherein he increasingly appears to have skipped his medication.

Comments

[gothpanda.livejournal.com]

Wooooooooooow. I just...I don't know what to say. It's too juicy to be real.

[torrain.livejournal.com]

Oh. Wow.

Somehow, I am getting the impression that this man is not following the rule of thumb that writers ought to make an effort to read, to help them write in a way that... uhm...

"horses of aegises adorned"

Ow.

[flemco.livejournal.com]

The world certainly is full of things.

[idiomagic.livejournal.com]

For even "better" writing, may I recommend to you the Towering Lord of Mediocrity, http://www.kevinwong.ca