Horror Stories for the 21st Century
Nov. 22nd, 2004 10:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theweaselking"It was, perhaps, a mistake," Dr. Oboli admits.
"Pardon?" asks General McCoy.
"It might have been a mistake. To harvest the genetic material of Johannes Agricola, and bring him back to life—fifty times his normal size!"
"Yes," General McCoy says flatly. "Yes, it might have been."
"I honestly didn't think he'd ever escape the lab," Dr. Oboli protests.
"Spilled milk, Dr. Oboli. Spilled milk. Tell us what we're up against."
"It's probably the greatest threat ever to face humanity," Dr. Oboli frets. "Historically, antinomians and humans have been able to coexist only because we were just as big as the antinomians and could kill them if we had to. But Johannes Agricola is already dead, and he's also very large."
"Large enough," General McCoy asks, "to physically fling the saved into Heaven?"
"Exactly," says Dr. Oboli. "No one is safe."
"What about the sinners?" asks General McCoy, practically. "I mean, aren't they safe? What if we buy some kind of golden calf from a military supplier and everyone worships it until the problem is resolved?"
"It won't work," Dr. Oboli moans. "Antinomians aren't like ordinary Christians. They don't care about sin any more than they care about good works. To Johannes Agricola, you're either saved or damned from the moment that you're born. It's a doctrine of arbitrary judgment!"
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Antinomianism: the doctrine that those who God has already chosen to spare will find grace, and those he has not, will not, and that therefore the saved are ultimately free to commit whatever crimes and sins they like. In short: believers have a blank check from God, whether or not they choose to cash it.
"Pardon?" asks General McCoy.
"It might have been a mistake. To harvest the genetic material of Johannes Agricola, and bring him back to life—fifty times his normal size!"
"Yes," General McCoy says flatly. "Yes, it might have been."
"I honestly didn't think he'd ever escape the lab," Dr. Oboli protests.
"Spilled milk, Dr. Oboli. Spilled milk. Tell us what we're up against."
"It's probably the greatest threat ever to face humanity," Dr. Oboli frets. "Historically, antinomians and humans have been able to coexist only because we were just as big as the antinomians and could kill them if we had to. But Johannes Agricola is already dead, and he's also very large."
"Large enough," General McCoy asks, "to physically fling the saved into Heaven?"
"Exactly," says Dr. Oboli. "No one is safe."
"What about the sinners?" asks General McCoy, practically. "I mean, aren't they safe? What if we buy some kind of golden calf from a military supplier and everyone worships it until the problem is resolved?"
"It won't work," Dr. Oboli moans. "Antinomians aren't like ordinary Christians. They don't care about sin any more than they care about good works. To Johannes Agricola, you're either saved or damned from the moment that you're born. It's a doctrine of arbitrary judgment!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Antinomianism: the doctrine that those who God has already chosen to spare will find grace, and those he has not, will not, and that therefore the saved are ultimately free to commit whatever crimes and sins they like. In short: believers have a blank check from God, whether or not they choose to cash it.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-22 07:24 am (UTC)Bud looks embarrassed.
"I mean, that just seems---dangerous."
"I'm not really doing it to look for Agricola," Bud says. "I just want to pray at the stained glass window by candlelight."
"Wouldn't a mosque be safer? There won't be any giant undead antinomians there."