Not The Onion!

[theweaselking]

Michigan Woman Claims Starburst Candies Are "Dangerously Chewy" in Lawsuit

Comments

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

Mars should offer her a deal as a spokesperson.

"Starburst are dangerously chewy! Look what they did to me!"

[kookiemaster.livejournal.com]

I thought the same thing ... except I envisionned an add campaign with zoolander.

"Dangerous!"

[the-colombian.livejournal.com]

In other news, Tabasco sauce is "dangerously spicy".

The Big Mac: "Dangerously hamburger-shaped"

Skittles: "Dangerously bite-sized and rainbow-like."

[jdarkwulf.livejournal.com]

And don't forget Cheetos: Dangerously Cheesy.

[mrbankies.livejournal.com]

#!/bin/sh
while true
do
headdesk
done

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

I knew it would be a good thing when you had to put that line as your subject line.

Owwwwww, my poor precious brainmeats.

[kalieris.livejournal.com]

Wow - I lost a filling a while ago due to excessively gummi gummibears. I should sue Haribo, my ex-dentist, and the CVS salesperson (who did not warn me that gummibears could harm dental work).

I wonder who I can sue if I get a paper cut while looking in the yellow pages for a personal injury lawyer?

(And I hope that, if I ever get so batshit insane as to actually think like this, that someone will be kind and just shoot me.)

[netcrimes.livejournal.com]

Omigod.

SOme people are such idiots.

[texas-tiger.livejournal.com]

I saw that on FoxNews while in the waiting room at my optometrist's office today. Even the FoxNews anchors were mocking her.

[torrain.livejournal.com]

> " it just literally pulled my jaw out of joint,"

Wouldn't that be dangerously sticky?

[kookiemaster.livejournal.com]

My question is why the heck did she chew SO HARD ... if a frickin candy is hard or "dangerously chewy" let it melt.