Because I haven't offended enough people today:

[theweaselking]

Jay brings the funny:

I've never understood why so many men have to resort to date rape drugs. Some of these guys are even pretty good looking, but they immediately spike a prospective date's drink, even though most mickey'd girls will end up swooning/puking at the club and will go home with a friend instead of the criminal who drugged her.

No. Instead, charm a girl. This shouldn't even have to be said. Make a woman laugh. Get her interested. Dance with her. And once you get her back to your place or even to a secluded parking lot, hit her with a brick.

Bricks are legal to own. They're cheap - you can get a pretty good brand new brick at the hardware store for like a buck. Old used ones are like everywhere.

The best part is you get a much more precise dosage with a brick. No worries about using too little - if so, hit her again! If you think she might remember the encounter, hit her again! If she's still struggling, bam! More brick! Accidentally overdo it, and now she's bleeding out? Hit her again! Problem solved (except for the midnight gardening part).

Bricks are reusable, eco-friendly, cheap and easy to get to. There is no good goddamned reason to resort to date rape drugs.

I'm a bad person for laughing.