So, the new Metallica sucks.

[theweaselking]

Yes, I know, you've all been waiting for my opinion with bated breath. No longer!

This album sucks. It's not as bad as St Anger, but that statement really means nothing. Nickelback isn't as bad as St Anger, and they're still the worst band in existence[1].

The entire album sounds like Ride The Lightning, if you removed all the melodies and put everyone but the bassist[2] through the St Anger high-pass filter that makes everything sound like it's being played on tiny speakers from a transitor radio while Mike Tyson is standing on James Hetfield's testicles and singing joyously along. So, basically, it's St Anger, but using Ride The Lightning instead of Re-Load as the base to work from.

Two exceptions: Suicide & Redemption is a melodic instrumental where they only ruined the sounds of the drums and not the rest of the band, and it actually sounds good enough that I haven't immediately relegated it to the trashbin.
The Unforgiven III is a light-rock ballad, along the lines of (unsurprisingly) The Unforgiven and The Unforgiven II. It's got a melody and the guitars and strings sound good, unlike the rest of the album, but Mike Tyson is still standing on Hetfield's nuts and making sweet harmonies. However, again unlike the rest of the album, it's not *completely* bad! This is good, because I really liked the first two[3].

Seriously. They need to *fire* whoever's doing the mixing, because this is now two albums in a row with *no low end*. No bass! Everything sounds tinny and crappy! And the tracks that *don't* have it clearly show that it's a *deliberate choice*.

So yeah.

Do not buy this piece of shit. Listen to Suicide & Redemption and buy just that track. Listen to The Unforgiven III and *maybe* buy just that track. You *could* listen to the rest of the album, but there's no point - you already heard it all in 2003 with St Anger.

[1]: A ranking calculated very scientifically. There's a formula. It starts with how lousy you are, then multiplies by how many albums you have and how often I've been forced to change the radio station to avoid you or one of your soundalikes.

[2]: No, really. I wonder if "don't fuck up my sound" was a condition in Rob Trujillo's contract when they hired him.

[3]: How many other songs have sequels? White Zombie has Electric Head Part 1: The Agony and Electric Head Part 2: The Ecstasy, but they were both on the same album[4].

[4]: "Astro Creep 2000: Songs Of Love, Destruction, And Other Synthetic Delusions Of The Electric Head." - which is still the coolest album name of all time.

Comments

[scifantasy.livejournal.com]

How many other songs have sequels?

More than you'd think. My favorite is probably "Magic Melody Part 2," not because I've ever heard it...but what comes to mind include:

"Another Brick In The Wall," which has parts 1, 2, and 3; "Shine On You Crazy Diamond," divided into Parts I-V and VI-IX; Pink Floyd.

"Joe's Garage," parts 1, 2, and 3; Frank Zappa.

"Karn Evil 9," which is really one piece in several parts; Emerson, Lake, and Palmer.

An interesting example, which is probably the most literal "sequel," is called "March Of The Undead," by Masugn, with two sequels by Machinae Supremacy.

[kafziel.livejournal.com]

Don't forget Space Oddity.

[rgovrebo.livejournal.com]

"Another Brick In The Wall," which has parts 1, 2, and 3; "Shine On You Crazy Diamond," divided into Parts I-V and VI-IX; Pink Floyd.

That's not sequels, that's just huge songs that have been split up.

Iron Maiden made sequels to a couple of songs - the "Charlotte the Harlot" begat the bad "22 Acacia Avenue", and "The Prisoner" begat "Back in the Village". Both sequels being horrendously bad.

[scifantasy.livejournal.com]

That's not sequels, that's just huge songs that have been split up.

Debatable. (Or, "a matter of fact for the jury to determine." You know how they say law school eats your life? Yeah.)

[nosrialleon.livejournal.com]

Not really debatable. The reason you see this kind of thing on prog & art-rock albums from the 70's is because songwriters' and players royalty percentages are calculated based on the number of songs on a record. By naming each "movement", a 3-song record would count as an 8- or 10-song record, and the band wouldn't screw themselves out of the pittance they received from royalties.

[scifantasy.livejournal.com]

But how does that fly for The Wall?

[harper-knight.livejournal.com]

Man, 22 Acacia Avenue might be terrible, but the Dark Tranquility cover of it is AWESOME. Just pretend the original doesn't exist and it's all okay.

[skington.livejournal.com]

Sting's song "Big Lie Small World" is a sequel to "Seven Days", inasmuch as it involves the same character (http://www.sting.com/discog/?v=so&a=1&id=100).

[harald387.livejournal.com]

I don't know about them, but I was waiting with baited breath.

For the record, worms are not tasty.

[thathatedguy.livejournal.com]

Anything recorded by Mettalica after ...And Justice for All is poop. I have spoken, so mote it be.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Bullshit! The Black Album is the best thing they ever produced. Load had a couple of very nice tracks, and And Justice For All similarly had some good ones, but go much earlier and you have The Call Of Ktulu, The Thing That Should Not Be, Orion, and One Whole Hell Of A Lot Of Undifferentiated Unlistenable Crap.

[thathatedguy.livejournal.com]

I bought the Black Album. I listened to it once. I shook my head in disapproval and moved on to other artists. I never listened to it again.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Most people aren't so proud of being musically defective.

[thathatedguy.livejournal.com]

You're funny.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

PS: The later stuff also sucks, but at least, up until St Anger, you can tell it apart.

[geek86.livejournal.com]

Metallica are hilarious and the new album doesn't dissapoint. It's metal. It's funny. It's throwaway and you can chuck up some horns while it plays. That's it's purpose and it works.

Metallica aren't so much a band as a soap opera. The new record is just a notable episode which is enjoyable at the time.

[jl-williams.livejournal.com]

I have to disagree with you. I honestly liked it quite a bit, mainly because I go into every new album they've produced since Black as though I have never heard Metallica before. It's a system that works for me.

Death Magnetic seems to have taken every other album recorded previously and made a kind of homage album, with a sound that's notably different than everything at the same time. I hear elements of all the albums in there, and I like it. They're evolving -- and no, it's not perfect -- I actually critique it with a lot of the same points that you made -- but I don't dislike what they've done.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I can't get past how *lousy* most of the album sounds. No melody, and what little sound there is is passed through that high-pass filter and all the bass is pulled out, like it's being played through teeny tiny speakers a long distance away.

[jl-williams.livejournal.com]

I noticed that too, and it's annoying. But I can fix it with Winamp enough that it doesn't kill the album entirely (see: St. Anger).

[catcom.livejournal.com]

Do not forget that the White Zombie album also has the track with the single awesomest name OF ALL TIME: "El Phantasmo and the Chicken Run Blast-O-Rama".

I had Hopes of the new Metallica album. I shall pretend I have not read this and give it a try.

[jsbowden.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but you're Wrong On The Internet. Creed are the worst band in existence.

[jl-williams.livejournal.com]

I would vote NAY, because nobody gives two shits about Creed, so we don't have to deal with them being constantly on the radio.

[reyl.livejournal.com]

Off topic, check out today's metaquote for an exciting quote about moose. Or is that meese?

[leighdb.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not, Madonna has a sequel song. "You'll See" was the sequel to "Take a Bow".

[andrewducker]

Personally, I thought that ...And Justice... was recorded in a cardboard box. Still a good album though.

[xomox.livejournal.com]

I assume you've seen this NME post (http://www.nme.com/news/metallica/39816) by now. Having an XM radio in my car, I've been able to listen to several of the tracks throughout the month on their all-Metallica channel, and I would definitely agree that the engineering is horrible. But then, I've considered them dead since AJFA, and I'm being generous with that starting point. James Hetfield Superstar's vocals have ruined any enjoyment I could have had from the other instruments.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

It's not just the vocals. It really is the complete lack of bass on all of it.

(And their best was still the black album. Dammit. But that's because I have no patience for bands without melody, and the farther you go back in their catalogue, the less they knew how to play and the more they were just thrashing and screaming as much as possible. Booo-ring. If I wanted to listen to incompetents, I'd listen to punk, and shoot myself.)