theweaselking: (Default)
[personal profile] theweaselking
Dear irrational, impossible, nonsensical person:

You say you want a fax machine, and a photocopier, and a scanner - but *not* a printer. No printing possible! And you don't want it available on the network, you just want it to magically work despite specifically wanting to put it in another room from the primary user.

I hate you,
-John

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silmaril.livejournal.com
Never stock the thing with paper. In fact, tape the paper compartment shut or break the mechanism that pulls in paper to print. Voilà, no printing possible.

The no-network-remote-use thing I cannot help with, though. Can't you just create a mini-network for that nonprinterdevice only? Surely that should be easy? *run, hide*

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chrisrw109.livejournal.com
But if you break the paper tray, you can't photocopy or fax. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elffin.livejournal.com
It has to photocopy, so paper has to occur.

What the user wants, in fact, is a printer/fax/photocopier/scanner with an administrative lockout of the printing functions and no printer drivers installed nor available and the printer service advertising turned off.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elffin.livejournal.com
Which is to say, a printer/fax/photocopier/scanner that isn't plugged in to the network.

How exactly they're going to get the scans, though, is an interesting point.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silmaril.livejournal.com
So I fail at reading-comprehension today. Bah.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spurious-logic.livejournal.com
Put it on the network and hide the IP address. Only allow access to it via a print server. Strip everyone's permissions to print but them.

Would that work for you?

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com
Tell him you're sorry, but the magical do-everything-EXCEPT-Print-Fairies are on strike.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] allysonsedai.livejournal.com
Tell them you've done exactly what they've asked, except really set up regular printer/copier/fax/scanner and put it on the network. Surely someone that asinine wouldn't notice the difference? ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theweaselking.livejournal.com
Ah, but the user doesn't want to *pay* for a device that *can* be on the network.

I'm not looking for solutions, here. I know I have plenty of solutions. I'm venting about the crazy nature of the *question*.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theweaselking.livejournal.com
Unfortunately, they tend to read the specs before paying for things.

("All of our problems are solved for $225, my way. Your suggestion is impossible, and the closest thing to it is aggravating, inconvenient, will constantly cause us to lose time working around it, and cost more than $400. DO IT MY WAY" seems to be working. Just slowly.)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theweaselking.livejournal.com
Any printer with administrative lockout of print functions is *more* expensive than one without, and the main reason to not want it networked or to have a printer is to "make it cheaper".

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theweaselking.livejournal.com
PLEASE TO NOT BE TEMPTING ME.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spurious-logic.livejournal.com
Okay, so an Etch-A-Sketch with a phone cord and paper tray might be an option?

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:16 pm (UTC)
jerril: A cartoon head with caucasian skin, brown hair, and glasses. (Default)
From: [personal profile] jerril
Showing them the numbers will probably help errode their convictions.

Possibly phrasing it as "I'm sorry, but the printers that do what you want are a niche market; due to low volume, they all cost $400, compared to the $225 for a more fully-featured machine."

Or, with less lying but probably harder for them to believe, "I'm sory, but the printers that do what you want are a niche market; you'd have to get Cannon to custom design-and-build you one, for about a million dollars."

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theweaselking.livejournal.com
Best part: The person making the demands *isn't the one who will be using the device*.

No, really. That person does not scan, fax, or photocopy, and prints on a private office printer plugged directly into their computer and reserved for their personal use.

This is also the same person who went through *11* computers in the 2007 calendar year.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elffin.livejournal.com
...

Fascinating.

See how the grey matter counterpoints the eyeballs where the head has exploded? Genius. Sheer Genius.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elffin.livejournal.com
ELEVEN?

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theweaselking.livejournal.com
Eleven.

* Seven different "my PC isn't fast enough, we have a new employee who needs a PC, I will buy a new machine and give my old one to them" incidents,

* four "I've screwed up my machine so badly John will need to reinstall Windows and give it back to me" incidents, including

** one malware infection caused by torrenting pirated software,

** one "it won't boot and I don't know why I only booted off a liveCD and deleted the system32 folder",

** one "I accidentally installed Thumbdrive Ubuntu on the 160GB MAIN HARD DRIVE drive instead of the 8GB USB thumbdrive because I didn't read the menu" incident, and

** one "I deliberately installed Ubuntu and used it for a week, but I can't install Visio or Project. What now?"

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com
He lost the magic smoke that would allow him to do this thing he asks??

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com
(He must have blown it SOMEwhere, after all!)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elffin.livejournal.com
"... accidentally installed Thumbdrive Ubuntu on the 160GB MAIN HARD DRIVE ..."

Ah. Yes. I recall that incident.

Clearly this is the customer who needs to be given a G3 Beige Mac, a copy of Darwin on CD, and an HP scanner and be told to build his own scanner/photocopier/fax/WTFever machine. And be billed for the time and materials.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theamaranth.livejournal.com
sounds like the anti-technology nurses i work with every day. they can't understand why they can't get what they want - even if it is illogical and batshit insane.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quilzas.livejournal.com
Mmm.. love your pic!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-17 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lorelei76.livejournal.com
I think that person needs to have all computer/tech related items removed from their presence.

You should give him/her a hammer, a chisel and a nice flat piece of rock. THat's about the level of use they can handle.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-18 02:51 am (UTC)
hel: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hel
If explaining that specifically doesn't persuade them, and it's only going to be used by a few people, you might just be able to set everyone's print quotas to 0 in the printer software. I can set all users to have print quotas of 0 for my networked HP under linux, and I just tried it and it wouldn't let me print.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-09-18 09:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thipe.livejournal.com
Can you not just tipex out the bits of the spec they don't want, then photocopy it?

Not that I'm advocating that kind of behavior at all, but, you know, they do sound kind of an asshat ;p

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