(no subject)

[theweaselking]

Instructions on cat grooming product, simplified for your convenience:

1. wet cat thoroughly
2. apply product and comb through cat's wet coat.
3. keep cat from grooming for 10 minutes.
4. rinse product thoroughly off of cat.
5. dry cat to make sure (product) is completely off cat.

Actual sequence of events:

0. cat senses you're up to no good, hides under table.
0.2 cat runs under couch.
0.4 cat resists being picked up.
0.6 cat realizes it is being brought towards the sink.
0.8 mortal komcat!
1. wet cat thoroughly
1.2 put cat back in water and get another 1% of cat wet before cat gets out again.
1.4 amazingly, cat has managed to writhe into a position where she's holding herself away from the faucet with all four legs, her head, and her tail.
1.6 reassure kitty that everything's okay, yank head back to avoid claw in eye.
1.8 wet cat the rest of the way.
2. apply product and comb through cat's wet coat.
2.2 apply product with one hand while holding cat with the other
2.4 cat lunges for freedom, hides in bedroom.
2.6 find cat in box, continue grooming.
2.8 box falls to shreds, cat's coat is fully combed through.
3. keep soaking wet cat from grooming for 10 minutes
(no, really. these people are insane.)
4. rinse product thoroughly off cat.
4.2 carry festival of whirling sharp claws back to bathroom.
4.4 put cat near stream of water.
4.6 every movable object in the bathroom falls to the floor as cat struggles in matrixesque bullet-time and attempts to propel herself through ceiling.
4.8 cat gets washed.
5. dry cat thoroughly.
5.2 chase cat around apartment with towel.
5.4 wrap cat in towel, fluff dry.
5.6 cat gets out of towel.
5.8 see 5.4
6. cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.2 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.4 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.6 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.8 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.

Comments

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

3. keep soaking wet cat from grooming for 10 minutes
(no, really. these people are insane.)

That was almost verbatim what I thought when I read that line in the original instructions, too. What do they expect you to do, muzzle the cat?

Anyway, thanks. I needed the laugh.

[eididdy.livejournal.com]

That's what you get for having a cat.

[unnamed525.livejournal.com]

Cat's rule. I don't think that cats need shampooed, however.

[neobitch.livejournal.com]

What sort of product did you have to apply to this poor beast? Some sort of ultra-deluxe fleabath?

I laugh, but only because this time it's someone else's cat and not my own.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

It's not my cat, and it's apparently some kind of bizarre shampoo.

[spartonian.livejournal.com]

I wonder if this was the result?

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I've seen that one. I've got a second naked kitty picture in my collection, somewhere....

[unnamed525.livejournal.com]

Shaved pussy rules. }:-]

[spartonian.livejournal.com]

Its the front view of the cat, isn't it?

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

It's of a different cat, assuming I remember correctly. I haven't looked it up yet.

[wizwom.livejournal.com]

Ah, how true. Unless you teach the cat to swim as a kitten.

[texas-tiger.livejournal.com]

Hee!

FYI:

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

This was written by one of my best friends. His lj username is rwx. The post is flocked; he moved it to his other blog because someone wanted to send it to FARK. His posts are often quite entertaining, however.

The cat in question was having health problems earlier this month, this was presumably part of some treatment.

And I'm amused at the full-circle-ness of this.

Re: FYI:

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

This is the cat who sits on his head when he tries to sleep?

Excellent.

Re: FYI:

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

Yup! Same cat.

She also makes "I see prey" noises when the Blue Angels do their yearly flyby.