“PIE DOESN’T HAVE TENTACLES!”

[theweaselking]

A story that includes this must always be awesome:

The night before one of these delightful Fun Runs, I received special instructions.

“Bring in a pie for the auction.”

I’m not sure how much the pay has gone up, but back in those days if a Private First Class had a child he automatically qualified for food stamps. So I didn’t have much money. And most of what I did have was generally earmarked for important things, like strippers and alcohol, and more strippers.

A pie doesn’t cost that much I guess. But it was the principle that bothered me. The Army has billions of dollars and I have barely any. And now they want me to buy stuff for them.

Now technically, it wasn’t an order. It would be against regulations for my supervisor to *order* me to spend my own money on the Family Support Group. It was just, technically, a suggestion. And it’s just peachy to make suggestions. And if soldiers choose not to follow the suggestions, well, someone has to be assigned to that toilet cleaning detail.

So that night, I went out and I bought a premade pie crust. And a tub of Cool Whip. And then I stopped by a Korean grocery store and purchased a whole, frozen squid. And sprinkles.

- Specialist "Skippy" Schwarz, US Army, and yes, he's the guy who has Skippy's List Of Things He Has Been Ordered While Serving In The United States Army.

Comments

[dreamshade.livejournal.com]

That... is a godly maneuver.

[aimisdirty.livejournal.com]

Heh.

[icedrake.livejournal.com]

The proper title is "The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army". The distinction is only relevant because the list includes things he hasn't personally been reprimanded (or commended) for.

This moment of pedantry brought to you by politically-powered DST.

[elffin.livejournal.com]

I drove Skippy to the bus depot on his way to induction. We told him: "Once you show up, there's no way out".

Twelve hours later our gang gets a phone call: "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Obviously, The US Army didn't break him.

Instead, they put him into the psychological warfare unit.

Skippy: Doing it for the lulz.

Ha!

[reyl.livejournal.com]

“PIE DOESN’T HAVE TENTACLES!”

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

I think he is an amalgamation of all the different people who HAVE done these things.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I have it on good authority that he does, in fact, exist, and the Skippy's List is all him up until about #100, at which point other people have submitted things that he has liked enough to include.

[unknownpoltroon.livejournal.com]

Check the "about skippy" section.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

Brilliant. Utterly BRILLIANT.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and I hope you don't mind, I've posted that link on my own LJ, and am now seeing it spread among my friends... :P

[gothpanda.livejournal.com]

This is one of my favorite things on that site...

[triplemare.livejournal.com]