(no subject)

[theweaselking]

I must kill a great many internet people for their stupidity.

Specifically in this case, their stupidity involving the blatantly counterfactual claims of Chuck Norris.

And no, I don't mean "Chuck Norris Facts", I mean shit like he claims multiple "black belts" in martial arts that *do not use belt systems*, and that anyone who thinks Chuck Norris is worthy of even momentary attention is too stupid to live.

Next?

Comments

[iblis-kukl.livejournal.com]

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Chuck Norris getting humiliated by non-posers, when you're interested in them and not him, is worthy of attention.

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

Which reminds me: Jesse's opinion of Chuck Norris is exactly what you'd expect it to be.

:) for grumpy old martial arts teachers who can still kill me with their pinkies.

[hel]

Chuck Norris is so awesome that they institute belts just for him? :p

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

"Chuck Norris Facts" are a cheap, unoriginal ripoff of the original. Chuck Norris himself lies about his "belts", lies about his claims that Interpretive Dance[1] is a martial art, lies about his "tournament" record - he even lies about his filmography.

He even goes WAY out of his way to support the lies of the political candidates he supports.

NOTHING CHUCK NORRIS SAYS IS TRUE. Even if he were to show up here in person and say "everything John says about me is true", I'd call him a liar again because he's never told the truth even once before and I wouldn't trust him to do so now.

[1]: Tae Kwon Do

[hel]

I was unaware that Chuck Norris lies about basic stuff like belts, tournament record, etc. *shrug* That's sad, that he's got the fanbase he does, and still feels the need to lie. Citations so I can throw them at people sometime, if they're annoying me by not shutting up about him?
Chuck Norris "facts" still amuse me deeply tho. Not cos I think he's awesome (I don't), just cos of the heights of ridiculousness the "facts" attain.

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

The original facts were about Chuck Norris; I read the thread they originated in on SA.

[falconwarrior.livejournal.com]

When Paul Bunyan does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the world down.

Hrm, sounds a bit older than SA.

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you heard that before 2005.

[lurkerwithout.livejournal.com]

The Paul Bunyan thing? Probably not. The Bill Bratsky skit on SNL? Yeah, long before the Chuck Norris Facts...

[falconwarrior.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, actually. Back when I was a little kid I was a big fan of those old folk tales. If memory serves, all the stories started off with a few of those little quips to get the mood going.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Yes. They predate the existence of Something Awful by *decades*, most likely *centuries*.

[icedrake.livejournal.com]

+1 for the interpretive dance comment

I'm curious now: What evidence do you have to indicate Norris is lying about his martial arts ranking?

For reference's sake, the most complete record I've found lists black belts in Tang Soo Do, Shito-Ryu Karate, TKD, Brazilian Juu-Jitsu, and, presumably, Chun Kuk Do, though seeing how the founded the damned thing, his rank can be "divine incarnation" for all that it says about his ability.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

The recent claim that annoyed me were "black belt in Muay Thai".

Muay Thai does not use belts.

[icedrake.livejournal.com]

While traditional Muay Thai doesn't have belts (for pretty obvious reasons), some schools -- especially MMA-focused ones -- have introduced a "belt" system. It's frequently a bicep wrap rather than a belt (because that would look very, very dumb), and we can argue about authenticity until the cows come home, but sadly yes, it's possible to not be totally full of shit when saying you've got a black belt in MT.

New favourite term: McDojo.

[snap-wilson.livejournal.com]

Not that I care a great deal about Chuck Norris, but given that anyone can say just about anything about anyone else on the internet, I'd like to push the previous question. Where was this claim made? Or the "interpretive dance is a martial art" statement? Is there any corroboration out there?

Granted, Google searches are hard to navigate because any Google-ing of Chuck Norris's name brings up the bazillion sites that host "Chuck Norris Facts."

And Tae Kwan Do is a martial art. It (or it's precedent, anyway) was the training regimen for the Korean military during it's feudal period. Hence the "martial."

As someone who has a second dan black belt in TKD and worked as an instructor for four years, I'll happily concede that it won't turn you into a fighting machine. It's best bet in terms of self-defense is training you to react quickly, strike effectively and, hopefully, have you in good shape to then run quickly. Otherwise, it's a great form of exercise that works body and mind. :)

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Where was this claim made?

A person copy/pasted Chuck Norris' "real credentials", presumably from an official site. This triggered the annoyance, but, really, Chuck Norris worship annoys me because he's a clueless incompetent ass in general - this was just a specific case.

Or the "interpretive dance is a martial art" statement?

That's me making fun of Tae Kwon Do. I'm legally obliged to, it's in my contract, mostly because I grew up around a whole pile of people who had a belt from the local mcdojo running out of a community center gym, won a few *point sparring* matches against fellow incompetents, and thought that made them a total baddass.

it's a great form of exercise that works body and mind.

That, I won't argue. That's how I treated Muay Thai, and that was a hell of a lot of fun.

[mejoff.livejournal.com]

Well, capoeira originated as a martial art disguised as a dance form, so it's meant to be.

And yeah, Tae Kwon Do, or 'the art of repeatedly kicking a taller person than you in the face' is no joke, you'll never hear me defending Norris, he's a twat, but coming across as this utterly ignorant does weaselking no favours at all.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I'm contractually obligated to mock the practical usefulness of Tae Kwon Do at every opportunity.

It's like fearing moose.

[icedrake.livejournal.com]

Now there, I have to disagree. Moose (though they prefer to be called "Meese") are f*&$ing scary.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

... yes, I agree. I fear moose. Moose will kill you *for fun*.

I am still contractually obligated to mention my completely rational and sensible fear of moose.

[jerril]

I'd say TKD is a martial art, but it isn't a practical self-defense art, it's a sport. Often a very violent full contact sport, which is therefore fairly useful in a fight, but only if you have the sense to cut out about 80% of the frankly self-destructive moves.

Yes, if the other guy stands around and lets the TKD practitioner kick him, he's plenty fubar. If the other guy comes in with a shoulder check or a prision rush, and closes to grapple or has a knife against his body, the TKD guy is basically fubar. His training covers a guy advancing prepared to kick. Not a guy doing a tackle or check, and only barely applies to some "scientific" grappling approaches.

The TKD guy also doesn't get nearly enough training in threat assessment because he only fights within weight classes, doesn't get trained to watch his back against his foes friends or random bystanders that are "helping" while he fights and IS taught a lot of different crap that leaves him overcommited against one foe, and is often woefully undereducated in the legality of actual fighting.

It's a sport. It's a sport that happens to include some useful punches, kicks, knees, and elbow strikes, but it's still a sport.

[jerril]

Footnote, I should have specified WTF TKD here.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

(Until I got to other comments further down the page where everyone was flinging around initials and acronyms,- I would have sworn you just called that "What The F*ck Tae Kwon Do"....) O_o

[faeriemuriel.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I never really thought about it like that...I should have. Our school did some TKD classes for fun a while back, and one of my friends took it. When she wanted to excitedly show me how she'd learned to defend herself,she told me to "come at her", but slow since she wasn't good at it. She ended up having to position me so she could do it "right" (read:at all).

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

Capoeira even calls their bouts "playing," not "fighting," and ideally has music accompanying it. It's not at all shy about its dance aspects. (It also has cords, but I guess you could call them belts.)

[anivair.livejournal.com]

Tae Kwon Do is a martial art. ATF TKD is not. it's a sport. But ITF TKD and MDK are perfectly acceptable martial arts. Though it's hard to get at those without a mishmesh of Tang Soo Do mixed in (they're the same thing anymore) and having taken all of those as well as some other martial arts (katate and kung fu) anything but American TKD is fine by me. This point sparing crap has to go, though.

[jsbowden.livejournal.com]

ATF and USTF are subsets of WTF, which is Olympic style, and yeah, it's pure sport. Useless outside a ring (this direct from a friend who has a black belt in WTF). As for point sparring, blame the Japanese. We only do it because if you're going to compete, tournament sparring is point sparring. We mostly focus on continuous sparring (and black belts spar against multiple opponents, which is fucking HARD).

[anivair.livejournal.com]

not technically true. There's real Olympic sparing, but in most places you're on points. The TKD school that I spent most of my time in hated point sparing as well. We were taught to land full blows.

[jerril]

Interestingly, I was in a WTF school, aimed at sport competitions, but we trained for full force as well.

Possibly because the Cubans broke everyone's limbs at that one PanAm championships and the leadership at our school got really cranky about it.

[anivair.livejournal.com]

Well, i think that a TKD school that is more sport is one thing. A TKS school that is more Tang Soo Do is a different story. The Tang Soo Do I've taken has been some of the most demanding martial arts I've ever been involved with.

I still prefer my Kung Fu, but it's never beat me up the way TSD did.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I'm contractually obligated to mock the practical usefulness of Tae Kwon Do at every opportunity.

It's like fearing moose.

[anivair.livejournal.com]

It's never not worked out for me. Though I do prefer southern style kung fu, as an art.

[rgovrebo.livejournal.com]

I think theweaselking should get that black belt in WTF for his years of posting weird stuff.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

By which you mean, he has a horribly painful bowel-infecting STD?

That, I'd believe.

[the-colombian.livejournal.com]

...his tears can cure cancer.

Too bad Chuck never cries.

[anivair.livejournal.com]

I'll bet he cries from that STD ...

[faeriemuriel.livejournal.com]

I hate this one. The one episode of Walker that I always end up seeing, he totally cries.

[lurkerwithout.livejournal.com]

Does he actually claim belts in anything other than certain karate styles? Ok I see that you're seeing he does...

*shrug* He's a bad actor who makes a lot of bull-shit claims and is liked by conservative and jingoistic types. Much like Segal, except without the rumors of being abusive or half-assed Easten philosophy...

[unknownpoltroon.livejournal.com]

Chuck norris has already killed these people. Unfortunately, he hit them so hard ......., ok, i got nuthin.

[gothpanda.livejournal.com]

But...but...Chuck Norris wants to run for President of Texas!

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

lol at everyone who doesn't get that this whole thread is, in itself, a Chuck Norris fact joke.

[themightyx.livejournal.com]

Omfg, I wrecked the perfect 42 comments. *le sigh* Anywhat...

I took Tae Kwon Do when I was smaller as a defense class, and whatever the hell kind of TKD it was, it was pretty practical stuff. Plus they taught you how to BREAK SH*T! Who doesn't want to learn how to break stuff? I mean...you get pissy you go out and break boards.

I must point out that TKD has one practical use, WeaselKing, in that a class of TKD students can demolish a house. No lie!

[kafziel.livejournal.com]

So can one fat guy with a hammer and some time. Or some matches.