This would be more obviously parody if it wasn't supposed to be out of Klamath Falls. I dropped acid there as a teenager and was STILL more coherent than many of the citizens.
Also, Millions of Barrels of Oil Safely Reach Port In Major Environmental Catastrophe (http://www.theonion.com/articles/millions-of-barrels-of-oil-safely-reach-port-in-ma,17875/).
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