Dear Bell Canada:

[theweaselking]

I do not deal with telemarketers, or companies who telemarket to me, ever.

You got your one and only warning on this matter *four days ago*. When you called me three days ago, two days ago, and yesterday, I was simply too busy with real things to contact Billing and cancel my service, and so you got extra grace period DO NO FUCKING CALL ME EVER FOR ANY REASON notifications that *nobody* deserves, but you got anyway because I couldn't be bothered to cancel.

Today?

Today, I have time.

I'm on the national Do Not Call On Pain Of Pain list, which is naturally treated by phone spammers EXACTLY the way a "do not email" list would be treated by email spammers: A list of confirmed good numbers where the recipient will pick up the phone. And yet, I'm on it anyway, and unlike the VAST MAJORITY of telemarketers, Bell is large enough that I can *AND WILL* make the complaint for violating it stick.[1]
I'm on Bell's own internal "do not call these people ever they are angry at us" list. I know this, because Bell Tech support confirmed it to me when I called them.

I.
Do.
Not.
Give.
Money.
To.
Telemarketers.

And yet you fucking called me anyway, repeatedly, because you're fucking stupid and thought I was bluffing.

People who listen to telemarketers are stupid.
People who "work" as telemarketers are evil, stupid, and should be killed for the betterment of the species.

If you know a telemarketer, punch them.
If you are a telemarketer, kill yourself. It's the only hope you have of ever doing a useful thing.

No love,
Me.


[1]: Because lawmakers are idiots in the pay of large corporations, the major "on pain of pain" penalties don't apply to Bell - but the minor "they've been told to FUCK RIGHT THE HELL OFF AND KEEP FUCKING CALLING ME" penalties do.

Seriously, fucking "do not call" is bullshit. It's a long list of freely available numbers that are confirmed good, and ALL TELEMARKETERS ARE SCAMMERS BY DEFINITION. They do not GIVE a shit about the "penalties" for the list, because they are ENGAGED IN FRAUD TO BEGIN WITH.

Comments

[argonel.livejournal.com]

Not all telemarketers are fraudulent scammers. Some are even worse such as politicians.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

How is that NOT "fraud" or "scam", again?

[lonebear.livejournal.com]

Ha! I sent a nastygram to my state, county, and national party. It said that any candidate who contacts me will not get my vote. Haven't gotten one call or mailing since.

[ambug666.livejournal.com]

Good thing their political opponents don't know this...

[rdmasters.livejournal.com]

...


(blinks)


...

That is so eloquent. And so good to see someone nibbling the bastiches to death.

Maybe an answering machine? Perhaps with something like this (http://revk.www.me.uk/2010/07/what-moron.html) as the message...

[drcuriosity]

That message is delightful. I wholeheartedly approve.

[ice-hesitant.livejournal.com]

Scotia is my bank. Every four months, they call trying to sell me insurance. It pisses me off.

[harald387.livejournal.com]

I told them to stop, and they did.

[frith]

Interesting fact: I worked as a telemarketer once. I could invite you over if you like and you could shoot me yourself? Could be fun. Anyway, I only lasted like two days before they fired me. I couldn't find anyone who wanted their windows cleaned. I only took that job because there was _nothing_ else I could find as a summer job during the recession in the early 1980's. I agree that telemarketers are a scourge to be wiped from the face of the earth. I do my part to sabotage telemarketers, not by hoping the do-not-call list actually gets respected, but by trying to keep telemarketers on the phone for as long as possible so that they can't call anyone else.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

I think it would be OK for you to shoot yourself only a little bit.

[anivair.livejournal.com]

I did a stint as a temp at a telemarketing place once when I was desperate. By the end of my *month* long temp gig, I hated myself so much that I left when they offered me an extension and never went back. It was the dirtiest job I ever had.

[flemco.livejournal.com]

How to deal with telemarketers the J. Grant Way:

AT WORK
Put them on hold. Listen to their spiel for a moment, then say "Hey, can you hold for one minute?" rather sweetly. Then put them on hold. Time them on how long it takes to make them hang up.
Current record holder: some mastercard offer, kid hung out for 16 minutes.

AT HOME:
Listen to their spiel for a minute, answering questions, then say "Oh, hold it. I'll be right back." Set down the phone. Wait a minute. Make moaning and whacking noises like you're jacking off. Perhaps scream very loudly that the cat is on fire. Best yet: beatbox in the distance.
Current record holder: 12 min for some Ploiceman's Fund caller. Waited through jacking off AND the cat being on fire.

AT HOME 2:
Answer their questions at first. Maybe the first four questions. Then respond to every question with the word "cactus."
Current record holder: An entire survey for some magazine with the word "cactus" answering 35 questions.

[frith]

The hard part is trying not to giggle while answering "cactus" 35 times straight.

[lurkerwithout.livejournal.com]

I did phone surverys for awhile back in the 90s. I would have loved you. Being on hold means I don't have to fucking call some other person who doesn't want to be bothered and maybe I can get some reading done...

[eididdy.livejournal.com]

Now sir, if I could just get your telephone number and give you a call, I'm sure we could iron this out to your satisfaction.

[possbert.livejournal.com]

Since being on the Australian Do Not Call register, I've been phoned only once and that was by Centurian Roofing Company (I have no qualms about naming them as they have been named in Hansard as being serial offenders). Every time I told them I was on the register and they shouldn't be calling me, they responded with, "But do you want a free quote for your roof?"

[cheshire-bitten.livejournal.com]

I wish the Aus do not call allowed you to get charities to not call.

[andrewducker]

The UK Do Not Call register seems to work for me. The only time I get calls it's from India, and even that is very rare.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

We got a landline recently, for obscure cable reasons, and within TWENTY FOUR HOURS we were getting telemarketing phone calls. Since we don't plan to use the phone, we just turned the ringer off.

[iblis-kukl.livejournal.com]

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

We get telemarketing calls to our cellphones. It's illegal, of course, but ALL TELEMARKETERS ARE SCAMMERS AND FRAUDS. They're already attemping to steal from me - violating the law by calling my cellphone simply doesn't matter to them.

[snakey.livejournal.com]

Disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a telemarketer. Nor do I play one on TV. And I HATE getting calls from them.

THAT SAID.

People who "work" as telemarketers are evil, stupid, and should be killed for the betterment of the species.

If you know a telemarketer, punch them.
If you are a telemarketer, kill yourself. It's the only hope you have of ever doing a useful thing.

Uh, all the people I know who've worked as telemarketers have done it because they've been a) desperate due to being b) economically marginalised. While I'm sure there *are* people out there who go, "Oh, I'd just love to make a career out of sitting in a noisy, overcrowded room in an uncomfortable chair and torturous fucking headset relentlessly calling people who give me abuse", I haven't met any of them.

So, personally I would rather shoot the companies who recruit people to do soul-destroying work annoying and exploiting other people and then fail to pay their "employees" the commissions and bonuses they promised them and which they need to pay their rent and put food on the table. Personally.

/rant

[torrain.livejournal.com]

This.

[falconwarrior.livejournal.com]

One time I had to volunteer as a telemarketer to fill a requirement to graduate high school. I hated it, because I knew just how angry everyone I called was with me.

[peristaltor.livejournal.com]

Ah, the one drawback to Canada, their toothless do-not-call law.

Since going on our DNC list, I've gotten exactly two spam calls, and both from the same company. I squealed on them. They're now out of business, hopefully crippled by the fine.

[iblis-kukl.livejournal.com]

[jasmine-koran.livejournal.com]

....dude, have you ever had to do a job you hated in order to keep yourself fed?