"I cut myself on the chili powder": Reason #17 John is not allowed in the kitchen unsupervised.

[theweaselking]

Tuesday is work-from-home day, which means cooking day! I have completed dinner things!

I am, for the record, a competent-but-lazy cook, not a good cook. Good cooks have patience and drive, whereas I like good food but prefer EASY food to GREAT food. So my recipes are all lazy: if I can use a can of something, I generally will. If I can throw it all in a crock-pot and not have to supervise? Awesome.

First, we have
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Slow-Cooker Pineapple Chili
Based on Wegman's recipe

1/2kg lean ground beef
1 cup chopped onion (about 1 large onion)
1 cup chopped green bell pepper (about 1.5 average-sized peppers)
1.5 cups matchstick carrots (about half a standard package)
1 large can crushed tomatoes
2 cans red kidney beans (drained)
250ml crushed pineapple (drained) - the recipe calls for "one 8oz can", but nobody makes cans that small here. So I'm using half a normal can and now I have half a can of crushed pineapple to do something with. Like eat.
2 tbsp chili powder
Some salt and pepper.

Instructions:
Brown beef in a skillet.
Drain.
Put beef and EVERYTHING ELSE in the slow cooker.
Slow cook, 8 hours.
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Then we have cosmiccat's patented
As he related it to me, verbatim:
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Spaghetti Sauce

Ingredients:

1 Sweet Onion
1 Can of diced tomatoes (796ml)
1 Can of plum or whole tomatoes (796ml)
1 Can of diced tomatoes with spices (“Aylmer Accents – Italian” is what I usually use) (540 ml)
1kg Lean ground beef
Olive oil


Instructions:

1. Coat the bottom of the pot in a thin layer of olive oil.
2. Cut up the onion in whatever manner pleases you best.
3. Admire your handiwork, for you have defeated an onion with only a knife.
4. Place the fragments of your beaten foe in the pot. Increase heat to 80% of maximum rated power. Cook until golden. Or translucent. Or whatever you prefer.
5. While the onion slowly succumbs to the might of your stove, take out the ground beef and tear it into fragments with your hands.
6. Shouting “kali-mah kali-mah” at this stage is optional but recommended. [ED: No, really. Try it. It's fun! And confuses the dog.]
7. Add beef to onions. Stir and cook until beef is crumbly and fully cooked.
8. Pour in diced tomatoes. Stir and wait until simmering.
9. Pour in whole or plum tomatoes. Stir and wait until simmering.
10. Pour in accent tomatoes. Stir and wait until simmering.
11. Reduce to low heat (30-40%) and simmer, stirring occasionally, until desired consistency is reached. 5ish hours usually, depending on air pressure, humidity, and the will of the Goddess Ikanthula.
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Some notes: The "Aylmer Accents - Italian" spice blend is oregano, onion, parsley, garlic, and "spices".

I've made some changes to the recipe: I added a bunch of crushed fresh garlic, a chopped green pepper, and three ribs of chopped celery[1] this time. Last time, I added a good shot of Sriracha sauce but I found that actually made the sauce too spicy - not "too spicy to eat", just "the spice doesn't go well with spaghetti sauce".


That's dinner, simmering away now. For lunch, I had
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my "Everything Is Better With A" ham sandwich

A fresh, soft white bread roll with a slightly crunchy crust, split in half, with cucumber, sweet onion, several folded slices of ham, and a dollop of A1 sauce. Salt and pepper is optional, as is tomato. For extra awesomeness but totally not required, add a thin layer of sliced Jalapeno Havarti cheese.
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This evening, I'll cook some spaghetti and dinner will be the two main dishes over spaghetti with a bottle of red wine. For an appetizer, .
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John's Classic Custom Escargot

Snails. Garlic. Butter. Lemon. Oven. Go.
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with the leftover crusty bread from lunch.

(Right about now, I can hear a few people thinking "wait, doesn't John live with just one other person? No kids? Isn't that a TON of food?". That is because I am psychic. BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR MAGNIFICENT MIND-TAKING OVERLORD! But yes, you are correct, this is way more food than even 6 people could eat at one dinner. That's intentional: With the exception of the escargot, all of this stuff refrigerates well, freezes well, and travels well. This is not just "dinner", this is "a variety of work-lunch and lazy-meal options for two people for the next good long while")

And now, I'm going back to work with an awesome movie running in the second screen - it has Tyrion Lannister, Mall Cop! [2]


[1]: For the wits currently thinking[3] "Celery? Why wouldn't I just drink a glass of water while swallowing string?" - well, because then you wouldn't have used up the celery and it would still be in your fridge mocking you. Didn't think of THAT, did you, smart guy?

[2]: Seriously. Four years before HBO got to it, Jordan Prentice is playing Tyrion Lannister, Mall Cop. Morningstar and all!

[3]: See also I CAN READ YOUR BRAIN-MEATS WORSHIP MEEEEEEE

Comments

[thornae.livejournal.com]

Here's one of our favourites for the slow-cooker (http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/18996/slow+cooked+beef+with+red+wine+peppercorn+sauce). Bung it on in the morning, ready for dinner.
(Note that, with the slow cooker, a) you can use dried green peppercorns if that's easier, and b) as you'd probably already know, you can use a cheaper cut of meat. Eight hours in the crock pot makes anything good and melty.)

Taken from my awesome wife's recipe tumblr (http://smange.tumblr.com/). (Although I regret to report that her tags aren't as up to date as they could be. You won't find that one under "slow-cook", for example, only under "beef". [Edit: Mea culpa, it's not her fault - it seems the tags are broken.])


ETA: Also - the spicy shredded pork one here (http://noteatingoutinny.com/2007/04/27/2-ingredients-2-recipes-4-meals/) is brilliantly simple and delicious.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

I've cut myself on pasta sauce:




...and rice:




Also, why did you buy celery in the first place instead of drinking water and swallowing string?