"It's all fun and games until someone gets a JALAPENO UP THE NOSE."

[theweaselking]

Reason #33 John Is No Longer Allowed In The Kitchen Unsupervised.

I had previously, for the record, classified jalapeno peppers as "not very hot" - a nice, reasonable, middling kind of spice for when you want smoky heat and a bit of bite. No more, after today. After today, they are officially toxic waste. Delicious, tasty toxic waste.

You see, I was making the stuffed Jalapeno Peppers With Cheese And Onion recipe for torrain and her friends and their movie night, and while seeding the peppers, my nose started itching. Without thinking about it, I rinsed my hands and rubbed it - cleverly depositing fresh jalapeno seed oil onto the mucus membranes of my nose. I then washed my hands again and reached back to start seeding again when it dawned on me AND my nerve endings what I had just done.

After five minutes of desperately trying to get my hands clean enough that rubbing my nose with water would help, to the point where I was seriously considering trying to find a way to flush my nose with milk, the pain receded enough that I could stop whimpering and get back to cooking. And OW OW OW OW and for the record, people who are into figging are nuts. This was the tip of my nose and has firmly convinced me once and for all that spices plus non-mouth orifices equals worst idea EVER.

I also made the Sweet Basil Devilled Eggs that I said I was going to, and my conclusion is: DEE LISH US. The filling was a little runny - next time I think I'll do 8 eggs instead of 6 with the same other ingredients - and I didn't put in quite enough salt, pepper, or hot sauce, but all those are fixable on the second try, and the problem was me jumping the gun and not adjusting the filling well enough first. The recipe as it stands is really quite excellent.

Audience participation time: I don't use mayonnaise for much of anything, and the smallest jar I could get still has enough for 50 more batches of devilled eggs. What should I do with my mayo, given that I don't like more than a barest hint of it on sandwiches or burgers? Anyone got a good creamy non-vinegar-based coleslaw recipe or something?

Comments

[atothek.livejournal.com]

First: OW.

Second: Many recipes for artichoke dip include mayonnaise. However much it calls for, use up the mayo you have, and then use plain yogurt to get to the rest of the quantity it calls for.

[snakey.livejournal.com]

Been there XD Hurts like HELL. (And I can tell you, other mucus membranes = WORSE >.<)

As for the mayo: give the jar of Satan's semen to someone who'll enjoy it. Evil stuff, even though it's slightly less vile here than in Europe.

[mitchy.livejournal.com]

I'd use the mayo in a home made potato salad. I usually add a little mustard, spring onions and salt 'n' pepper to the mayo then toss the potatoes in the mixture while they're still warm. Yum.

[j-v-lynch.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine spent an evening cleaning and preparing for canning an entire bushel of hot peppers.

Fun Fact: if you don't use rubber gloves (he forgot) the oil can soke into your skin and does not wash off. You apparently do not realize this until it is too late.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's basically how it works. A good cleaning with soap helps, but it's really hard to do a good cleaning with good soap while BURNING BECAUSE OMG HOT PEPPER OIL YOU IDIOT.

And I spent part of tonight doing that last.

[kafziel.livejournal.com]

Mix lemon juice with salt, scrub your hands with that. Gets the pepper oil right out.

[chizzer.livejournal.com]

I realized this while urinating.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

[chizzer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's about right.

[triskelmoon.livejournal.com]

Mayo uses:

Dragon sauce for sushi/japanese food: mix mayonnaise with lots of Sriracha hot sauce. (also good with crudites or on burgers)
Coleslaw dressing: 1/2 cup mayo, 1/4 cup lime juice (or more), sugar, cumin, hot sauce, salt, cayenne pepper to taste
Add herb (basil), garlic, and citrus of your choice for veggie dip or just chipotle peppers chopped

I've also seen it in devil's food cake recipes.

[piemancer]

I find it also turns into an edible dip when mixed with BBQ sauce or horseradish.

[ladypeyton.livejournal.com]

My chef friend once assured me that lemon juice will remove the oil from your hands so you can touch things, I've tested it and it proves true. Rolaids will remove the burn. Even, I assume, from nasal passages.

[dreamshade.livejournal.com]

I occasionally chop up fresh jalapeños for chili, and I have learned to wrap a towel around my face while doing so. Otherwise, the errant capacin that gets into the air makes my allergies go haywire. Something deep in my nose sounds an alarm about "the strange, spicy, alien pollen" and sends the fire department to flood the whole thing with saline.

[interactiveleaf.livejournal.com]

Suggestion: Next time you need mayo, look up a recipe and make however much you need with better ingredients, at home. It'll taste better and you won't have any leftovers.

[publius1.livejournal.com]

..and be prepared to try several times before you get it right, the first time you attempt to make it.

[drhoz.livejournal.com]

owie

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

There is a BIG GAP between ginger and jalapeno!

[rev-ursa.livejournal.com]

About 10 years ago I had just finished seeding a bunch of habaneros for salsa when overcome by an urgent call of nature. I also did not wash my hands thoroughly enough before seeing to my needs.

All I can say is OUCH. The memory still makes my knees pull together.

[thornae.livejournal.com]

You need someone on eyeball duty (http://leftoversoup.com/archive.php?num=49).

[endotoxin.livejournal.com]

I generally make my own mayo to control just how much mayo I have in my house at any one time. I also raise chickens, so this is fairly easy for me to do. YMMV.

[paddie-gal.livejournal.com]

And now I know what figging is.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry?

[opaqueplanet.livejournal.com]

NetiPot fulla milk.

I second the potato salad idea. Get some hard boiled eggs and paprika in there... mmmm.

[the-dense.livejournal.com]

okay, i did this exact same thing, but because of cat allergies, and with habenero just under my fingernails (i hadn't washed thoroughly enough--only time it's ever happened, you can be sure). oh god, i was nearly screaming. we ended up calling the doctor and he gave me the following advice: rub vegetable oil all over where the spice has gotten into, then wash with dish soap. spices stick to the oil, and nothing cuts grease like dish soap. it worked like a charm, and now i have a story about how i got habenero pepper up my nose. the end.

[jsbowden.livejournal.com]

I cut into one once and the damn thing sprayed juice into my EYE. The only one that works. I spent the next forty minutes in the shower just rinsing out my eye with cool water, and it still hurt hours later. NEVER AGAIN. I wear glasses now (and I blame the jalapeno for my slowly diminishing vision, it has nothing to do with my age, damn it).

[cleodhna.livejournal.com]

I have done the exact same thing as well. GAH. GAAAAAH. I wanted to snort yogurt. Probably would have if we'd had any. I have also had it in my eye-- not from a squirt like jsbowden, but because I casually rubbed my eye hours after deseeding chillies. GAAAAAAH! And deep under my thumbnails, where no dish soap will go and no amount of washing wil help. AKGPTBLWAAGH.

I love chillies. I wonder when I will learn to handle them properly?

[cleodhna.livejournal.com]

Also, mayo:

Mayonnaise keeps for about a million billion years, which is rather counterintuitive, but hey. Do you like seafood? Try this:

Some mayo
Some lime juice
Some chilli sauce and/or finely chopped fresh chillies
A dash of ketchup (really: just a little; none if you used a sweet chilli sauce, or hey, go to town if you like things sweet)
Coriander, a bit (or leave it out of you don't like it)
Salt and pepper to taste

Add chopped spring onions or shallots if you have them and like

Good as a dip with prawns or crevettes, or as a side sauce with trout or any firm white fish. I imagine it would be good with BBQ'd veggies as well. I just kind of made it up out of ingredients we had a while back, and it was surprisingly nice.

[dorothy reinhold (from livejournal.com)]

Hey Weasel King,
You are too much fun to read! Thanks for making my Sweet Basil Deviled Eggs. They are yum, aren't they?

Instead of buying a ginormous jar of mayo, you can make your own, in a small quantity. It is 100 times better than jarred, too. This is an easy, easy recipe: http://www.shockinglydelicious.com/shockingly-delicious-cooking-classhomemade-mayonnaise-the-safe-way/

And speaking of basil and our mutual love of it, have you tried my award-winning basil margarita cocktail? http://www.shockinglydelicious.com/my-basilrita-basil-margarita-won/

All right, that's enough assignments for you today.

Cheerio!

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I've had my eye on your basil margarita, definitely. Haven't made it yet.