(no subject)

[theweaselking]

The Department of HyperAgriculture announced Monday that it will begin investigating possible restrictions on the cultivation, implementation, and breeding of genetically modified farmers, weighing possible safety and health risks against the farmers' dramatically increased yield and efficiency.

"As evidenced by the many strong opinions regarding these farmers, we can all agree that more research needs to be done," said Secretary of HyperAgriculture Roald McDonald in a press conference this morning. "Whatever happens, we cannot let our growing population's need for more and better foods lead us recklessly into the creation of 'Frankenfarmers.'"

McDonald added: "That said, I can't deny the benefits of an agricultural laborer who subsists on common weeds, grows his own exo-overalls, sweats pesticides, and whose six arms end in retractable plows, scythes, and harrows."

The risks associated with GM farmers are well-documented.

Coding errors in the genetic blueprints of some common GM-farmer models have led to congenital defects, such as the inability to distinguish between terrified migrant workers and large produce items like pumpkins. Additionally, some scientists allege that GM farmers could breed with non-modified farmers, resulting in unforseeable mutations.

"We've been assured by the patent-holding companies that these farmers are sterile, and pose no danger of contaminating standard human bloodlines," McDonald said. "Contrary to stories you may have heard, there will be no havoc wreaked by a countryside populated by super-lascivious farmers' daughters."

McDonald said his panel will reach a decision on GM-farmer regulations by the end of the year, adding that it is inevitable that some form of GM farmer is "here to stay."

"It would be unfair to deny the American agricultural industry the genetic-engineering advantages already enjoyed by Asian and European farmers," McDonald said. "In addition, it would seem strangely restrictive to deny the farming industry GM technology already so widespread in fields like large-scale construction, computer programming, pornography, and professional sports."

Comments

[spartonian.livejournal.com]

Somehow, I don't think Baraka would remain a farmer for very long.