(no subject)

[theweaselking]

Teresa Nielsen Hayden has managed, finally, to get a poem so bad that poetry.com will not declare it a semifinalist, publish it, and sell you a copy of the book for $50.

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How did I do it? It was easy, once I hit upon the right approach. Here's a slightly reconstructed version of my entry:

I am Mrs. Miriam Abacha a Widow

I salute you in the name of the most high God.
I was the former first lady Federal Republic of Nigeria, married to
late General Sani Abacha the late Nigerian military Head of State.
I am presently in distress and under house arrest while
my son Mohammed is undergoing trial in Oputa Panel Lagos
and Abuja, this Panel was set up by the present civilian regime.

My son is presently detained in prison custody.
The government has frozen all our family accounts, all
our buildings at Abuja Federal capital territory was seized
at the same time auctioned our remaining properties.
To save the family from total bankruptcy I have managed
to remove the sum of Thirty million US Dollars

( $ 30 .000.000.00 )

cash through covert means. This was only money kept by my
late husband in our family safe at Kano State of Nigeria.
It was deposited in, an under cover security firm outside Nigeria,
but a neighboring country. I want you to receive this money
and pay into your account for the family safety.

Immediately, my daughter will proceed to meet with you
because she is the only one that has free movement,
the men are monitored by the security Agents. You
will be well compensate for assisting me secure this money fast
before it is located by the Nigerian Government Agents.
Contact me immediately with my E-mail address so that
I can forward to you all necessary details. ...

Okay, so I cheated. Kind of. But it worked. And as far as I know, nothing else pretending to be poetry has ever been rejected by Poetry.com.
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The comments on the thread contain other versions that are even funnier.

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