The moon displeases Us.

[theweaselking]

The moon displeases Us. We, your global emperor, wish it destroyed.

How best to do so?

Comments

[kadath.livejournal.com]

Before I can give you a quote, I'm going to have to clarify the statement of work you've provided. How complete does this destruction need to be? What's the largest remaining Moon fragment that's acceptable? Also, does this destruction need to be accomplished with existing technology?

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Conditions of destruction:
As long as
A) it will not reform into a spheroid, ever (since We plan to live forever)
and
B) The destruction does not inherently render the earth temporarily or absolutely inhospitable to human life
We will consider it destroyed.

Existing technology: No, but Our displeasure is great and We would like it destroyed sooner rather than later. Therefore: if future tech is required, so be it, but get me the lowest future-tech solution!

Also: Resources include everything We, as your global emperor, can provide. Unfortunately, this limits you to a mere single planet with a largely monkeylike population.

[flemco.livejournal.com]

BLOW UP THE MOON

[cbpotts.livejournal.com]

Give the job to whoever was in charge of maintaining Sarah Palin's image. They did a pretty good job destroying that in no time flat.

[eclectic-soul.livejournal.com]

^^ FTW!

ha!

[eclectic-soul.livejournal.com]

Convince Bush that there be Oil up there, and weapons of mass destruction

Re: ha!

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

We are not certain that even your minor emperor (who is nothing compared to Our glory, and subject to Us regardless) has the capability to remove the infernal glowing thing.

But even so. Explain to Us how he will do so!

[jsbowden.livejournal.com]

I rather enjoy our stable orbit and axis thanks. Like most things that are good for you, you'll just have to learn to deal with it.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Your enjoyment is irrelevant beside the whims of the Emperor.

[sebkha.livejournal.com]

I'd imagine you'd go about this the same way you would to destroy the Earth (http://qntm.org/?destroy).

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

But HOW?

We will not commit Our vast resources without a plan that We can understand!

[elffin.livejournal.com]

Devise a way to place it between Barack Obama and the White House.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

We suspect that the addition of 7.3 × 10^22 kg of mass in Washington, D.C. would have much larger effects than merely destroying the moon - such as, crushing your minor emperor "Obama" and indeed, most of his entire country, to paste, before destabilising the earth as it collapses.

We consider this plan highly suspect without more details.

[elffin.livejournal.com]

NOW WITNESS THE POWER OF THIS FULLY ARMED

AND OPERATIONAL BATTLE STATION

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

The Death Star Solution, while effective, both requires many millennia of technological development, vast resource expenditure to produce the weapon itself for it's single use, and may result in severe Earth damage if the fragments shatter the way Alderaan did.

[jagash.livejournal.com]

Step 1: Colonize the moon.
Step 2: Initiate highly volatile high energy physics and/or fusion experiments.
Step 3: Wait for a monkey to screw something up and destroy the moon.
If step 3 fails, step 4 will be to use the new power source to tunnel to the core of them moon and place appropriate charges.

[sebkha.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much the plot of Space: 1999 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_1999).

Save the Moon!

[unnamed525.livejournal.com]

The Lunar Liberation Front will fight the global emperor!

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

You are foolish and insignificant.

Regardless of your efforts, Our displeasure is unchanged.

[ice-hesitant.livejournal.com]

Have you considered simply increasing the moon's angular momentum until it goes away?

[elffin.livejournal.com]

We need only tweak a few -mostly- insignificant cosmic constants ...

[ikkarus01.livejournal.com]

1) Write script featuring a brilliant female SCIENCE!tist who lives on the Moon.
2) Present script to Tara Reid.
3) Send Tara Reid to the Moon with script for some on-location scenes.
4) Await self-destruction of the Moon. (Note: this should require no more than 2 hours beyond the arrival of Tara Reid.)

[elffin.livejournal.com]

I believe we may be able to demonstrate our latest plan on December 21, 2010.

[paoconnell.livejournal.com]

Make the mooner pull up his pants.

[moosl.livejournal.com]

Perhaps your highness should seek the counsel of the djinn (http://community.livejournal.com/ljgenie/profile).

[kierthos.livejournal.com]

How about if we just chrome-plate it instead?

[unnamed525.livejournal.com]

That'd be hot.

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

The only safe way I can think of involves lots of miners, lots and lots of TNT (or small nukes, where "small"=="able to abolish half an Earth mountain at a time", and smaller than continent-splitter), and orbit-capable tug (cargo) ships. Gradually, we convert the single glowing sphere to a belt like unto those of Saturn's.

I would like to point out to His Majesty that we need to consult with people who know more about this Newtonian physics thing than I do, in order to make sure that the belt would still let us keep a stable orbit. I know it would mess up tides, but oh well, what are a few tides against His Majesty's displeasure?

[missysedai.livejournal.com]

With a cheese spreader, some crackers, and some hungry teenagers.

It's made of green cheese, you know.

[ysabel.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was going to suggest an extremely large army of hungry mice.

[jerril]

Is removing the moon from His Worshipful One's presence, perhaps to some inconsequential part of the system, an acceptable solution? If nothing else, the obnoxious reflective object will at least be out of the way until a more permanent solution can be devised.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

If you can move it, why not just drop it into Uranus and be done with it?

Besides, how is "moving it" harder than destroying it, in terms of enery costs?

[fearmeforiampink]

*checks his notes on the Mayans*

Just wait till 2012...

[harald387.livejournal.com]

We object to these peons' acceptance of theweaselking's status as global emperor when it is clear that this is a position that has been held by Us for some time. Be aware that followers of this False God-King will be punished, and that all of you are being watched by Our loyal servants now.

[opaqueplanet.livejournal.com]

You are merely the HARBINGER of our Emperor, Herald! Back to your trumpet!

[scixual.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't this be a good use for a micro black hole? Set up a bigger Hadron Collider, which is not future tech as long as we have the wealth of the planet to put it into effect.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, the inability of the LHC to produce sustainable black holes is well-documented scientific fact. As well, the mass of the moon is insufficient to maintain an event horizon - without a very large addition of material, the singularity would dissipate, resulting in a much smaller but still undeniably present (the tides! The horrible tides!) moon.

[alienor77310.livejournal.com]

Would making it invisible suffice?

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

We are intrigued by your suggestion. Do continue?

[ambug666.livejournal.com]

There are some philosophies that espouse that a thing in the present tense is not the same thing as it was in the past and that each moment, it is different.

By that philosophy, the moon as described at the time of your declaration no longer exists. It has been replaced by its successor, and entirely different thing indeed. And if you object to that thing, you need only have to wait.

You're welcome.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, We are not a subscriber of this philosophy.