A Slice Of Life:

[theweaselking]

TV Show: There is a murder victim! She is female, a Jane Doe, definitely a non-premeditated murder, found in the house of a reclusive genius. She has multiple sets of fake ID, all with the pictures cut out. The reclusive genius *is* a fake ID, and none of his prints are ANYWHERE in his house! There's only prints from the victim! Examining the victim's body show she had breast reduction and jawline surgery several years ago! Reclusive genius' employer says he always wore baggy clothes and turtlenecks! Checking out his financial records shows that every last penny he's made has gone into an account owned by one of the victim's aliases! And her fingerprints are all over his office at work and there are STILL none of his there!

TV Show Cop: "Sounds like blackmail to me!"

Me: "Oh, you are fucking kidding me."

torrain: [muffled giggling]

TV Show: Wow, we've got mash notes between Reclusive Genius and his secretary. Talking about how when they kissed that other night it was amazing! Secretary has no alibi, but can't possibly be involved because she's a super-devout ultra-conservative Christian, who we brought in while she was picketing an abortion clinic, and this is definitely a case of Reclusive Genius murdering Jane Doe. Wow, it's kind of weird that he'd start a relationship with Secretary given how little he's dealt with anyone at all since appearing on this scene.

Me: ".... how do they not connect these dots?"

torrain: [type type type giggle laugh type type type]

TV Show Cop: "The more I learn about Reclusive Genius and our victim, the more they have in common!"

Me: "YA THINK?"

torrain: [laughs]

Me: "Oh, come on. Main Character gets away with missing this because she's a fucking recently transplanted hick from rural Georgia, but everyone else on this show is a multi-year veteran of the LAPD!"

torrain: [giggles, types madly on laptop, waits, cracks up again]

Me: "You're liveblogging this, aren't you."

torrain: "No, dear."

jasmine_koran, via IM: "So, I hear you're yelling at the TV!"


EDIT: TV Show: We've identified our Jane Doe! She's a lesbian, and, just like Reclusive Genius, she's changed her identity at least once before! She was a mad protestor who is wanted by the cops! Wow, what a wacky coincidence! We really need to find Reclusive Genius as soon as possible!

Me: [bangs head on table repeatedly]

torrain: "Are you going to be alright?"

TV Show Cop #1: The gun used to shoot Our Victim is the same gun used by a crazed lesbian protestor who was never caught, in a previous crime!
TV Show Cop #2: So, you think there's some kind of connection between that crime and Reclusive Genius?

Me: "I need booze. Now."

torrain: [cracks up]

TV Show: Wow, just like Reclusive Genius, Jane Doe was an incredibly talented computer scientist! There are just tons of TOTALLY UNRELATED COINCIDENCES HERE!
TV Show Secretary: "Perverts are unclean and should die. And I saw Reclusive Genius on the night of the murder. And I had *no idea*, at all, that he was living with and working with Our Victim. Never heard of her at all. Ever."
TV Show Cops: "I'm sure that means nothing!"

Me: [THUNK.]


EDIT2:
TV show Cop: "Have you managed to figure out how Reclusive Genius got his fingerprints off absolutely everything and only left Our Victim's instead?"

Me: "GAAAAAAAAAAH."