A Slice Of Life:

[theweaselking]

TV Show: There is a murder victim! She is female, a Jane Doe, definitely a non-premeditated murder, found in the house of a reclusive genius. She has multiple sets of fake ID, all with the pictures cut out. The reclusive genius *is* a fake ID, and none of his prints are ANYWHERE in his house! There's only prints from the victim! Examining the victim's body show she had breast reduction and jawline surgery several years ago! Reclusive genius' employer says he always wore baggy clothes and turtlenecks! Checking out his financial records shows that every last penny he's made has gone into an account owned by one of the victim's aliases! And her fingerprints are all over his office at work and there are STILL none of his there!

TV Show Cop: "Sounds like blackmail to me!"

Me: "Oh, you are fucking kidding me."

torrain: [muffled giggling]

TV Show: Wow, we've got mash notes between Reclusive Genius and his secretary. Talking about how when they kissed that other night it was amazing! Secretary has no alibi, but can't possibly be involved because she's a super-devout ultra-conservative Christian, who we brought in while she was picketing an abortion clinic, and this is definitely a case of Reclusive Genius murdering Jane Doe. Wow, it's kind of weird that he'd start a relationship with Secretary given how little he's dealt with anyone at all since appearing on this scene.

Me: ".... how do they not connect these dots?"

torrain: [type type type giggle laugh type type type]

TV Show Cop: "The more I learn about Reclusive Genius and our victim, the more they have in common!"

Me: "YA THINK?"

torrain: [laughs]

Me: "Oh, come on. Main Character gets away with missing this because she's a fucking recently transplanted hick from rural Georgia, but everyone else on this show is a multi-year veteran of the LAPD!"

torrain: [giggles, types madly on laptop, waits, cracks up again]

Me: "You're liveblogging this, aren't you."

torrain: "No, dear."

jasmine_koran, via IM: "So, I hear you're yelling at the TV!"


EDIT: TV Show: We've identified our Jane Doe! She's a lesbian, and, just like Reclusive Genius, she's changed her identity at least once before! She was a mad protestor who is wanted by the cops! Wow, what a wacky coincidence! We really need to find Reclusive Genius as soon as possible!

Me: [bangs head on table repeatedly]

torrain: "Are you going to be alright?"

TV Show Cop #1: The gun used to shoot Our Victim is the same gun used by a crazed lesbian protestor who was never caught, in a previous crime!
TV Show Cop #2: So, you think there's some kind of connection between that crime and Reclusive Genius?

Me: "I need booze. Now."

torrain: [cracks up]

TV Show: Wow, just like Reclusive Genius, Jane Doe was an incredibly talented computer scientist! There are just tons of TOTALLY UNRELATED COINCIDENCES HERE!
TV Show Secretary: "Perverts are unclean and should die. And I saw Reclusive Genius on the night of the murder. And I had *no idea*, at all, that he was living with and working with Our Victim. Never heard of her at all. Ever."
TV Show Cops: "I'm sure that means nothing!"

Me: [THUNK.]


EDIT2:
TV show Cop: "Have you managed to figure out how Reclusive Genius got his fingerprints off absolutely everything and only left Our Victim's instead?"

Me: "GAAAAAAAAAAH."

Comments

[jasmine-koran.livejournal.com]

Dude, I didn't IM you.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I'm creatively editing for effect. You were discussing it with Frances at the time, according to her.

[jasmine-koran.livejournal.com]

Aaaah, artistic license. Got it. :)

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Slice Of Life is almost never a direct transcript. "Edited for humour value" is generally the best way to describe it.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Oh man, they just did the big reveal and played DUN DUN DAAAAAAH music.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

...he always work baggy clothes...

[wherever.livejournal.com]

Is that from Parappa the Rappa? Damn, I miss that game.

[interactiveleaf.livejournal.com]

No, wait, how did it turn out? I haven't figured out the ending yet!

[falconwarrior.livejournal.com]

So, what, were they the same person or something?

[snakey.livejournal.com]

*tired sigh* Endlessly repetitive TV plot is endlessly repetitive. And depressing. The cluelessness isn't even funny any more.

[hel]

Yeah, this.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*snorfle* this is why I avoid so many TV shows - I have a limited tolerance for idiocy. I can't abide any plot that requires me to believe every character has been labotomised.

And don't get me started on anything crime related. I am banned from watching them

[wherever.livejournal.com]

Sounds like they wanted to softball the audience so we could feel "smart" when we figured it out. I'm sure many people out there watching felt very satisfied with themselves that night. :P

[opaqueplanet.livejournal.com]

wow. What show was this, that I may avoid it and all of its spinoffs? Bringing light to transphobia is one thing, but geez. Do they have to be so patronizing?

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

This was the very first episode of The Closer. And, leaving aside all of the LA cops not *ever* considering that Reclusive Genius and Our Victim might be the same person, it wasn't a bad show.

Having watched two episodes of it (because the first was hilariously bad and the show *did* get a strong recommendation from someone who's usually pretty good for those), my main complaint is actually about how the main character treats suspects.

It's *realistic*, and it's *legal* to lie to them about what their rights are[1], browbeat them into talking without counsel, and lie about what the law is - but that doesn't make it something I want to see Our Hero do in a TV show.


[1]: The person who reads you your rights must do so completely and honestly. The interrogators are under no obligation to give you a refresher, or tell you the truth *before* your rights are read.

[snakey.livejournal.com]

A crime show that trots out the Obligatory Trans Victim in the *first damn episode* isn't one that I'm going to waste my time on, personally. But do let me know how soon they bring in the Dead Lesbian Cliche and the Magical Negro....

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Obligatory Trans Victim is a cliche?

[snakey.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, very much so.

[kierthos.livejournal.com]

They've used it on Law & Order (main show) at least once, and I think on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit at least three times.

[le-trombone.livejournal.com]

I'm so disappointed. I clicked over to torrain's journal, and saw no amused comments about a spouse ranting at the television.

I feel so used now.

On the subject of the show, yeah, that sounds pretty bad. If I recall correctly, the good things I've heard about it were confined to the lead's performance, not the show itself.

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

she's a fucking recently transplanted hick from rural Georgia

I got this far and knew it was the goddamn Closer. The worst part of watching anything on TNT is hearing her horrible, grating voice in promos.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Having now given it 3 shows, I hate it. Everything the main character does is *technically* legal, but it's all entirely unethical. I'm supposed to cheer for a character who does her level best to ensure that NO suspects know or get to exercise their rights?

[chrisrw109.livejournal.com]

Well yes, that's the american justice system at it's finest.

It's sort of like watching 'The Cooler' except there's a whole redemptive arc there that's missing from the show.