A Slice Of Life, wherein we learn Things.

[theweaselking]

A SCENE from LAST NIGHT:

ABBY, a CAT: "I am enjoying my dinner quietly. Soon I will sleep. My life is awesome!"

[ANGUS, another CAT enters from offstage left, singing]

ANGUS: "Sex Robot, Sex Robot. Sex Robot, Sex Robot.... OH HAI THAR IS IT CAN BE SEXY TIEM NAO?"
ABBY: "Oh dear lord no. I do not like other cats at all, let alone want sex with you. I am 17 years old and have been spayed."
ANGUS: "BUT *IS* IT CAN BE SEXXY TIEMS?"
ABBY: "Your existence gives me diarrhea."
ANGUS: "Oh."

[A Brief Pause]

ANGUS: "Maybe nao?"
ABBY: "I am not into furry things 1/10 my age."
ANGUS: "Getting down, in your town?"
ABBY: "NO!"
ANGUS, bereft: "Okay."

[PIPER, a Large Dog enters from stage right]

PIPER: "Hi there! This sounds like fun. Can I join in? And what are 'sexxy tiems'?"
ABBY and ANGUS: "GO AWAY."
PIPER: "Oh."

[PIPER goes to sleep while pointedly Not Looking. A Brief Pause, after which Angus begins singing faintly]

ANGUS: "sex robot, sex robot."
ABBY: "You know I can throw this lovely ceramic bowl at you from here and it will shatter into dozens of razor-sharp shards on your thick useless skull, right?"

[ANGUS becomes quiet]

ABBY: "I must expel waste fluid from my sack of pee. You two stay here and amuse yourselves."
ANGUS: "OKAY!"
PIPER: "ANGUS has said something and that means he loves me and I love him! I must lick all things I love!"
ANGUS: "I will cut you."

[ABBY exits stage left.]

ANGUS: "Sexxy tiems with YOOO?"
PIPER: "Okay! What are sexxy tiems?"
ANGUS: "... your tail weighs as much as my entire body and is flailing furiously. Perhaps sexxy tiems are ill-advised."
PIPER: "I don't know what that means but I love you!"

[OFFSTAGE: There is, as it were, the sound of urination]

ANGUS: "IT IS CAN HAS BE SEXXY TIEMS NAO!"

[ANGUS charges off stage left. There is a howling and a sound of fighting and scattering litter]

PIPER: "OH BOY OH BOY OF BOY! Excitement! That means LOVE!"

[exeunt]

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Angus' ball-snipping is scheduled for Tuesday. This, apparently, cannot come soon enough.