A Slice Of Life, wherein we learn Things.

[theweaselking]

A SCENE from LAST NIGHT:

ABBY, a CAT: "I am enjoying my dinner quietly. Soon I will sleep. My life is awesome!"

[ANGUS, another CAT enters from offstage left, singing]

ANGUS: "Sex Robot, Sex Robot. Sex Robot, Sex Robot.... OH HAI THAR IS IT CAN BE SEXY TIEM NAO?"
ABBY: "Oh dear lord no. I do not like other cats at all, let alone want sex with you. I am 17 years old and have been spayed."
ANGUS: "BUT *IS* IT CAN BE SEXXY TIEMS?"
ABBY: "Your existence gives me diarrhea."
ANGUS: "Oh."

[A Brief Pause]

ANGUS: "Maybe nao?"
ABBY: "I am not into furry things 1/10 my age."
ANGUS: "Getting down, in your town?"
ABBY: "NO!"
ANGUS, bereft: "Okay."

[PIPER, a Large Dog enters from stage right]

PIPER: "Hi there! This sounds like fun. Can I join in? And what are 'sexxy tiems'?"
ABBY and ANGUS: "GO AWAY."
PIPER: "Oh."

[PIPER goes to sleep while pointedly Not Looking. A Brief Pause, after which Angus begins singing faintly]

ANGUS: "sex robot, sex robot."
ABBY: "You know I can throw this lovely ceramic bowl at you from here and it will shatter into dozens of razor-sharp shards on your thick useless skull, right?"

[ANGUS becomes quiet]

ABBY: "I must expel waste fluid from my sack of pee. You two stay here and amuse yourselves."
ANGUS: "OKAY!"
PIPER: "ANGUS has said something and that means he loves me and I love him! I must lick all things I love!"
ANGUS: "I will cut you."

[ABBY exits stage left.]

ANGUS: "Sexxy tiems with YOOO?"
PIPER: "Okay! What are sexxy tiems?"
ANGUS: "... your tail weighs as much as my entire body and is flailing furiously. Perhaps sexxy tiems are ill-advised."
PIPER: "I don't know what that means but I love you!"

[OFFSTAGE: There is, as it were, the sound of urination]

ANGUS: "IT IS CAN HAS BE SEXXY TIEMS NAO!"

[ANGUS charges off stage left. There is a howling and a sound of fighting and scattering litter]

PIPER: "OH BOY OH BOY OF BOY! Excitement! That means LOVE!"

[exeunt]

==================

Angus' ball-snipping is scheduled for Tuesday. This, apparently, cannot come soon enough.

Comments

[reyl.livejournal.com]

Your contract as provider of fuzzy interpretation and all things FUNNAY has hitherto been extended another year.

LUFFS

[graethorne.livejournal.com]

Ow....

[skiriki.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahahaha. Made me laugh out loud.

[dgg.livejournal.com]

I must expel waste fluid from my sack of pee

Priceless!

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Mostly stolen from VGCats (http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=141), FYI.

But yes, an excellent line, so I took it.

[reyl.livejournal.com]

Why do I imagine Torrain's voice as Abby and yours as Angus and Piper? This makes the dialogue even more ridiculous. Especially when you are flirting with yourself.

Am I talking out loud again?

[singingnettle.livejournal.com]

Oh my paws and whiskers...

*laughs helplessly*

[missysedai.livejournal.com]

I giggled at your lovely wife's write-up this morning. But THIS has me pretty much howling.

Jack thinks I've lost my mind.

[finitedancer.livejournal.com]

I don't know you ( at least I think I don't LJ handles always vex me) but This Made me Laugh out loud at work. My coworkers are as we speak tryign to decide if I should be scolded or if I am havign a seizure and perhaps they should dial 911.

Thank you for that endorphine filled intermission in an otherwise boring Friday afternoon. You Rock.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I actually have no idea who you are in real life, so probably we don't know each other.

And if they're wondering about the laughing, send 'em a link.

[plantyhamchuk.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I needed this.

[botia.livejournal.com]

I hope it works. Our Dom (icon) is neutered, and likes to try to have sexy times with my husband. Not with any of our other gazillion cats, not with me, not with anyone or anything else, but he looooves to hump Brian. And will curse my husband out when he's pushed away.

When Brian gets home at night from work, Dom will race to the bedroom and yowl at him impatiently.

Good luck with Angus's neutering! :)

[dscotton.livejournal.com]

Angus' ball-snipping is scheduled for Tuesday. This, apparently, cannot come soon enough.

Well, no wonder he's trying to get some action before it's too late...

[bellacrow.livejournal.com]

So awesomes