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theweaselkingGot, like, 7 months worth this time. I should do this more often.
Vampire squid squirt light instead of ink:
PC1: "So they cast magic missile at the darkness?"
PC4: "That doesn't make sense!"
Me: "In a world where a giant ice monster was just made to disappear using psychic powers, let's not go with "sense"
GM: "He's being nibbled to death by ducks!"
PC3: "I could add ANOTHER save ends?"
PC2: "I'm saying, I think we have enough ducks"
PC1: "A 'freezing touch' that does psychic, a 'sword of black ice' that does Thunder damage.... as a former white dragon I am deeply confused and offended"
PC3: "You need to salve the kobold's thingy!"
Me: "Please do NOT salve the kobold's thingy."
Me: "When this monster takes a critical hit, beat PC1 to death with an axe."
GM: "Is that actually on the power block? Wait, don't answer, it is now."
On powers that the GM finds annoying:
GM: "Standard Action: Apply a pair of those little binder clips to PC2's nipples. When he takes them off, Certain Justice ends."
Me: "Everyone is using 'Dracula' as a general noun now! I'm so happy."
PC4: "You've ruined everything."
PC1: "I said 'dye'!"
Me: "It sounded like an imperative!"
GM: "He wants you to come here to solve a 'problem' that requires your 'special skills'"
PC3: "He's using the airquotes, isn't he."
Me: "It's the local sign against the evil eye!"
PC4: "Why are we 'accusing' people of not being porny?"
PC1: "Because we come from the Internet."
On Draculas and alcohol:
Me: "The wooden stake holds the olive!"
On the many uses of Donairs:
GM: "Lumps of meat and garlic sauce are not a good enema fluid."
PC2: "It's not grave-robbing if we don't TAKE anything. It's grave-visiting."
Me: "Grave tourism!"
GM: "I need a Large mini that looks like an Aboleth."
Me: [puts a bear on the map]
GM: "That's a BEAR!"
Me: "It's what we've got."
GM: "Very well, the dread Bearoleth."
PC3: "He's standing in Godzilla Bukake!"
GM: "It's a whirlpool tens of km across!"
PC3: "We are an environmental disaster."
PC4: "That IS how you usually spell Adventurer."
GM: "He is NOT wearing a banana!"
On the pleas of beggars:
PC3: "He's just trying to save up money for that resurrection he needs..."
PC4: "Wait, he was killed by an owlbear?"
Me: "No, an owl. And a bear, at the same time. But they have to say 'owlbear' on the temple forms because they'll only resurrect adventurers"
PC2: "Hamsterbear!"
PC3: "That is totally a monster."
PC1: "mem...mmnem....thing"
Me: "Mnemonic! Why can NOBODY remember how to say that?"
PC2: "We've taken Solid Snake and given him the Ark Of The Covenant."
PC2: "So... that Shark is trying to jump *us*?"
GM: "Floood-plaaaain to the daaaanger zone!"
Me: "Magic Bird From Nowhere is my L27 Encounter power!"
PC1: "Wait, why did I work for the Winter Queen instead of him?
PCs 2 through 4, and Me: "Because white dragons are stupid."
GM: "I love that there was a chorus for that."
Me: "Please do not encourage the god of spikes to flash us to prove he's NOT overcompensating."
Game #2, PC3 is now GM, GM is PC5
Me: "Normally the pinata does not beat YOU until candy comes out!"
PC1: "A revenant vampire is someone who didn't make it all the way back."
PC6: "No, a revenant vampire is someone who made it all the way back, then got a bad case of the Draculas."
Me: "It's a unanimous left!"
PC2: "Everyone always goes left!"
Prisoner: "I go right?"
PC2 "YOU DON'T GET A VOTE"
PC5: "Since the titanomachia the price of new worlds has gone WAY up."
PC1: "It's a bubble, it should burst eventually."
On Dwarf Fortress and the kind of monuments players make:
PC4: "My name is FUCK, King of Kings! Look upon my FUCK and despair!"
On forced movement:
PC1: "Let's just maximize the cluster-ness of this fuck."
On Warhammer 40K creatures called Demonettes:
PC2: "They AVERAGE three boobs each. there come in a box of 10, there are 30 breasts per box. I have 20!"
Me: "I wish to point out that THIS time, I was not the one who set the dragonborn on fire."
GM: "..... Apparently there's 'pentexforums.com'"
Me: "It's about cameras."
GM: "It's about cameras?"
Me: "Pent*A*x."
GM: "Oh. Right."
Me: "Trust in Orcus, but tie up your camel."
PC1: "I was arguing him and he melted!"
Me: "I think he gets the last word this time."
Third Game! Now I'm the GM. PC3 is PC3 again, first GM is still PC5. We've added a few players and dropped a few players... maybe I should come up with nicknames for the players and just use those.
Me: "German is a great language for gargleshouting."
PC3: "Oh god we're absorbing Hell by osmosis."
PC2: "It's not osmosis, Demons don't have the right water content."[1]
Me: "Maxwell's demon was the first one through!"
PC5: "Swing your partner round and round, stick your sword right in her face"
PC5: "We're here to rescue the waffles of the Raven Queen."
Me, as snotty German vampire NPC: "Is zer anyone among you who ist not an idiot?"
All PCs: [pause]
PC3: "....No."
Me: "You have THREE PALADINS in THREE GAMES. Why do you keep forgetting the Paladin Mark mechanic?"
PC2: "Paladins are virtuous. Consistency is a virtue!"
Me: "Consistency is a hobgoblin. Hobgoblins are a kind of monster."
PC5: "My name is Merl, and this is my dwarf."
Me, as snotty German vampire NPC: "Hah! You fail again! I vish there was a word for the feeling of pleasure I am experiencing at vitnessing your misfortune!"[2]
PC5: "The Stick And Bucket Dance is something we do not talk about."
PC3: "How to determine if your mechanical Dragon is male or female."
PC2: "... SPROING!"
On coinage:
PC1: "For an accurate representation of a Phoenix, you'd need a bigger coin!"
On mine hardware:
Me: "Canaries? We use phoenixes. When it turns blue, run."
On haggis:
PC5: "The traditional ingredients are 'anything you can steal from your oppressive English overlord.'"
PC7: "It was a very crowded barn. They'd formed a sheep king!"
coming completely out of nowhere:
PC1: "Oh, not the clampy-clamps of Goatse!"
PC4: "VISUALS! OW!"
Me: "You broke the ladder so they'll have to fix that before they can repair the machinery? That's.... twisted."
PC6: "Abbott and Castellan? .... I'm so sorry."
PC3: "So we have the average everday fascism, here"
PC5: "Be fair, most fascist states are NOT zombie-powered."
[1]: PC2 had his science wrong, we know. That's okay!
[2]: I stole this from Community, for the record. But nobody else at the table had heard it before so it got a good laugh! Which is kind of sad because it means they don't watch Community. You should all watch Community.
EDIT: Oh hey, I missed a half-dozen that got stored in a different place.
On priests of the storm god and their internal bureaucracy:
PC3: "Paperwork is for SMASHING! Go KORD!"
PC1: "Temples of Kord do communion with a beer bong!"
PC2: "I'm too dead for this shit!"
Me: "The cloud of darkness does not extend to *inside* the dragon"
PC5: "In my head, the glidewings have turned into scaled demon cows with bat wings. This is awesome."
On happiness about new class features:
PC3: "I'm going to get to resurrect him!"
EDIT2: Oh hey, one last one.
Me: "PC1, it's your turn. You're Dominated, punch the wizard."
PC1: "Which power should I use? I have Dracula Slam and Thirst For Life."
Me: "What's the difference?"
PC1: "Dracula Slam does way more damage, Thirst For Life heals me."
Me: "The monster considers briefly whether or not healing you and not hurting the wizard is in his interest. It is not. PUNCH THE WIZARD."
Vampire squid squirt light instead of ink:
PC1: "So they cast magic missile at the darkness?"
PC4: "That doesn't make sense!"
Me: "In a world where a giant ice monster was just made to disappear using psychic powers, let's not go with "sense"
GM: "He's being nibbled to death by ducks!"
PC3: "I could add ANOTHER save ends?"
PC2: "I'm saying, I think we have enough ducks"
PC1: "A 'freezing touch' that does psychic, a 'sword of black ice' that does Thunder damage.... as a former white dragon I am deeply confused and offended"
PC3: "You need to salve the kobold's thingy!"
Me: "Please do NOT salve the kobold's thingy."
Me: "When this monster takes a critical hit, beat PC1 to death with an axe."
GM: "Is that actually on the power block? Wait, don't answer, it is now."
On powers that the GM finds annoying:
GM: "Standard Action: Apply a pair of those little binder clips to PC2's nipples. When he takes them off, Certain Justice ends."
Me: "Everyone is using 'Dracula' as a general noun now! I'm so happy."
PC4: "You've ruined everything."
PC1: "I said 'dye'!"
Me: "It sounded like an imperative!"
GM: "He wants you to come here to solve a 'problem' that requires your 'special skills'"
PC3: "He's using the airquotes, isn't he."
Me: "It's the local sign against the evil eye!"
PC4: "Why are we 'accusing' people of not being porny?"
PC1: "Because we come from the Internet."
On Draculas and alcohol:
Me: "The wooden stake holds the olive!"
On the many uses of Donairs:
GM: "Lumps of meat and garlic sauce are not a good enema fluid."
PC2: "It's not grave-robbing if we don't TAKE anything. It's grave-visiting."
Me: "Grave tourism!"
GM: "I need a Large mini that looks like an Aboleth."
Me: [puts a bear on the map]
GM: "That's a BEAR!"
Me: "It's what we've got."
GM: "Very well, the dread Bearoleth."
PC3: "He's standing in Godzilla Bukake!"
GM: "It's a whirlpool tens of km across!"
PC3: "We are an environmental disaster."
PC4: "That IS how you usually spell Adventurer."
GM: "He is NOT wearing a banana!"
On the pleas of beggars:
PC3: "He's just trying to save up money for that resurrection he needs..."
PC4: "Wait, he was killed by an owlbear?"
Me: "No, an owl. And a bear, at the same time. But they have to say 'owlbear' on the temple forms because they'll only resurrect adventurers"
PC2: "Hamsterbear!"
PC3: "That is totally a monster."
PC1: "mem...mmnem....thing"
Me: "Mnemonic! Why can NOBODY remember how to say that?"
PC2: "We've taken Solid Snake and given him the Ark Of The Covenant."
PC2: "So... that Shark is trying to jump *us*?"
GM: "Floood-plaaaain to the daaaanger zone!"
Me: "Magic Bird From Nowhere is my L27 Encounter power!"
PC1: "Wait, why did I work for the Winter Queen instead of him?
PCs 2 through 4, and Me: "Because white dragons are stupid."
GM: "I love that there was a chorus for that."
Me: "Please do not encourage the god of spikes to flash us to prove he's NOT overcompensating."
Game #2, PC3 is now GM, GM is PC5
Me: "Normally the pinata does not beat YOU until candy comes out!"
PC1: "A revenant vampire is someone who didn't make it all the way back."
PC6: "No, a revenant vampire is someone who made it all the way back, then got a bad case of the Draculas."
Me: "It's a unanimous left!"
PC2: "Everyone always goes left!"
Prisoner: "I go right?"
PC2 "YOU DON'T GET A VOTE"
PC5: "Since the titanomachia the price of new worlds has gone WAY up."
PC1: "It's a bubble, it should burst eventually."
On Dwarf Fortress and the kind of monuments players make:
PC4: "My name is FUCK, King of Kings! Look upon my FUCK and despair!"
On forced movement:
PC1: "Let's just maximize the cluster-ness of this fuck."
On Warhammer 40K creatures called Demonettes:
PC2: "They AVERAGE three boobs each. there come in a box of 10, there are 30 breasts per box. I have 20!"
Me: "I wish to point out that THIS time, I was not the one who set the dragonborn on fire."
GM: "..... Apparently there's 'pentexforums.com'"
Me: "It's about cameras."
GM: "It's about cameras?"
Me: "Pent*A*x."
GM: "Oh. Right."
Me: "Trust in Orcus, but tie up your camel."
PC1: "I was arguing him and he melted!"
Me: "I think he gets the last word this time."
Third Game! Now I'm the GM. PC3 is PC3 again, first GM is still PC5. We've added a few players and dropped a few players... maybe I should come up with nicknames for the players and just use those.
Me: "German is a great language for gargleshouting."
PC3: "Oh god we're absorbing Hell by osmosis."
PC2: "It's not osmosis, Demons don't have the right water content."[1]
Me: "Maxwell's demon was the first one through!"
PC5: "Swing your partner round and round, stick your sword right in her face"
PC5: "We're here to rescue the waffles of the Raven Queen."
Me, as snotty German vampire NPC: "Is zer anyone among you who ist not an idiot?"
All PCs: [pause]
PC3: "....No."
Me: "You have THREE PALADINS in THREE GAMES. Why do you keep forgetting the Paladin Mark mechanic?"
PC2: "Paladins are virtuous. Consistency is a virtue!"
Me: "Consistency is a hobgoblin. Hobgoblins are a kind of monster."
PC5: "My name is Merl, and this is my dwarf."
Me, as snotty German vampire NPC: "Hah! You fail again! I vish there was a word for the feeling of pleasure I am experiencing at vitnessing your misfortune!"[2]
PC5: "The Stick And Bucket Dance is something we do not talk about."
PC3: "How to determine if your mechanical Dragon is male or female."
PC2: "... SPROING!"
On coinage:
PC1: "For an accurate representation of a Phoenix, you'd need a bigger coin!"
On mine hardware:
Me: "Canaries? We use phoenixes. When it turns blue, run."
On haggis:
PC5: "The traditional ingredients are 'anything you can steal from your oppressive English overlord.'"
PC7: "It was a very crowded barn. They'd formed a sheep king!"
coming completely out of nowhere:
PC1: "Oh, not the clampy-clamps of Goatse!"
PC4: "VISUALS! OW!"
Me: "You broke the ladder so they'll have to fix that before they can repair the machinery? That's.... twisted."
PC6: "Abbott and Castellan? .... I'm so sorry."
PC3: "So we have the average everday fascism, here"
PC5: "Be fair, most fascist states are NOT zombie-powered."
[1]: PC2 had his science wrong, we know. That's okay!
[2]: I stole this from Community, for the record. But nobody else at the table had heard it before so it got a good laugh! Which is kind of sad because it means they don't watch Community. You should all watch Community.
EDIT: Oh hey, I missed a half-dozen that got stored in a different place.
On priests of the storm god and their internal bureaucracy:
PC3: "Paperwork is for SMASHING! Go KORD!"
PC1: "Temples of Kord do communion with a beer bong!"
PC2: "I'm too dead for this shit!"
Me: "The cloud of darkness does not extend to *inside* the dragon"
PC5: "In my head, the glidewings have turned into scaled demon cows with bat wings. This is awesome."
On happiness about new class features:
PC3: "I'm going to get to resurrect him!"
EDIT2: Oh hey, one last one.
Me: "PC1, it's your turn. You're Dominated, punch the wizard."
PC1: "Which power should I use? I have Dracula Slam and Thirst For Life."
Me: "What's the difference?"
PC1: "Dracula Slam does way more damage, Thirst For Life heals me."
Me: "The monster considers briefly whether or not healing you and not hurting the wizard is in his interest. It is not. PUNCH THE WIZARD."
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 03:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 04:01 am (UTC)(And, man -- I love Daemonettes. They are so much fun to draw!)
-- A <3
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 04:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 12:49 pm (UTC)http://www.dakkadakka.com/gallery/6448-.html
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 06:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-13 01:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 06:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 12:47 pm (UTC)PC2: "It's not osmosis, Demons don't have the right water content."[1]
Me: "Maxwell's demon was the first one through!"
XD
all good quotes though :)
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 04:04 pm (UTC)* No, please, please don't salve the kobold's thingy.
* Re: wooden stake holding the olive: Precisely. And the mark of a good fighter is someone who's always able to improvise, am I right?
* "Mnemonic:" *coffeenose*
* Phoenices as mine canaries: I... think I see what you did there.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 05:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 05:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 05:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 06:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 06:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 06:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 07:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 07:23 pm (UTC)....and everyone should watch Community.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 07:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-12 07:31 pm (UTC)And how cool was DrowChang (ChangDrow?) anyway?
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 04:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-13 02:30 am (UTC)