"German is a great language for gargleshouting!" and other Kobold warcries.

[theweaselking]

Got, like, 7 months worth this time. I should do this more often.



Vampire squid squirt light instead of ink:
PC1: "So they cast magic missile at the darkness?"

PC4: "That doesn't make sense!"
Me: "In a world where a giant ice monster was just made to disappear using psychic powers, let's not go with "sense"

GM: "He's being nibbled to death by ducks!"
PC3: "I could add ANOTHER save ends?"
PC2: "I'm saying, I think we have enough ducks"

PC1: "A 'freezing touch' that does psychic, a 'sword of black ice' that does Thunder damage.... as a former white dragon I am deeply confused and offended"

PC3: "You need to salve the kobold's thingy!"
Me: "Please do NOT salve the kobold's thingy."

Me: "When this monster takes a critical hit, beat PC1 to death with an axe."
GM: "Is that actually on the power block? Wait, don't answer, it is now."

On powers that the GM finds annoying:
GM: "Standard Action: Apply a pair of those little binder clips to PC2's nipples. When he takes them off, Certain Justice ends."

Me: "Everyone is using 'Dracula' as a general noun now! I'm so happy."
PC4: "You've ruined everything."

PC1: "I said 'dye'!"
Me: "It sounded like an imperative!"

GM: "He wants you to come here to solve a 'problem' that requires your 'special skills'"
PC3: "He's using the airquotes, isn't he."
Me: "It's the local sign against the evil eye!"

PC4: "Why are we 'accusing' people of not being porny?"
PC1: "Because we come from the Internet."

On Draculas and alcohol:
Me: "The wooden stake holds the olive!"

On the many uses of Donairs:
GM: "Lumps of meat and garlic sauce are not a good enema fluid."

PC2: "It's not grave-robbing if we don't TAKE anything. It's grave-visiting."
Me: "Grave tourism!"

GM: "I need a Large mini that looks like an Aboleth."
Me: [puts a bear on the map]
GM: "That's a BEAR!"
Me: "It's what we've got."
GM: "Very well, the dread Bearoleth."

PC3: "He's standing in Godzilla Bukake!"

GM: "It's a whirlpool tens of km across!"
PC3: "We are an environmental disaster."
PC4: "That IS how you usually spell Adventurer."

GM: "He is NOT wearing a banana!"

On the pleas of beggars:
PC3: "He's just trying to save up money for that resurrection he needs..."

PC4: "Wait, he was killed by an owlbear?"
Me: "No, an owl. And a bear, at the same time. But they have to say 'owlbear' on the temple forms because they'll only resurrect adventurers"

PC2: "Hamsterbear!"
PC3: "That is totally a monster."

PC1: "mem...mmnem....thing"
Me: "Mnemonic! Why can NOBODY remember how to say that?"

PC2: "We've taken Solid Snake and given him the Ark Of The Covenant."

PC2: "So... that Shark is trying to jump *us*?"
GM: "Floood-plaaaain to the daaaanger zone!"

Me: "Magic Bird From Nowhere is my L27 Encounter power!"

PC1: "Wait, why did I work for the Winter Queen instead of him?
PCs 2 through 4, and Me: "Because white dragons are stupid."
GM: "I love that there was a chorus for that."

Me: "Please do not encourage the god of spikes to flash us to prove he's NOT overcompensating."


Game #2, PC3 is now GM, GM is PC5


Me: "Normally the pinata does not beat YOU until candy comes out!"

PC1: "A revenant vampire is someone who didn't make it all the way back."
PC6: "No, a revenant vampire is someone who made it all the way back, then got a bad case of the Draculas."

Me: "It's a unanimous left!"
PC2: "Everyone always goes left!"
Prisoner: "I go right?"
PC2 "YOU DON'T GET A VOTE"

PC5: "Since the titanomachia the price of new worlds has gone WAY up."
PC1: "It's a bubble, it should burst eventually."

On Dwarf Fortress and the kind of monuments players make:
PC4: "My name is FUCK, King of Kings! Look upon my FUCK and despair!"

On forced movement:
PC1: "Let's just maximize the cluster-ness of this fuck."

On Warhammer 40K creatures called Demonettes:
PC2: "They AVERAGE three boobs each. there come in a box of 10, there are 30 breasts per box. I have 20!"

Me: "I wish to point out that THIS time, I was not the one who set the dragonborn on fire."

GM: "..... Apparently there's 'pentexforums.com'"
Me: "It's about cameras."
GM: "It's about cameras?"
Me: "Pent*A*x."
GM: "Oh. Right."

Me: "Trust in Orcus, but tie up your camel."

PC1: "I was arguing him and he melted!"
Me: "I think he gets the last word this time."


Third Game! Now I'm the GM. PC3 is PC3 again, first GM is still PC5. We've added a few players and dropped a few players... maybe I should come up with nicknames for the players and just use those.

Me: "German is a great language for gargleshouting."

PC3: "Oh god we're absorbing Hell by osmosis."
PC2: "It's not osmosis, Demons don't have the right water content."[1]
Me: "Maxwell's demon was the first one through!"

PC5: "Swing your partner round and round, stick your sword right in her face"

PC5: "We're here to rescue the waffles of the Raven Queen."

Me, as snotty German vampire NPC: "Is zer anyone among you who ist not an idiot?"
All PCs: [pause]
PC3: "....No."

Me: "You have THREE PALADINS in THREE GAMES. Why do you keep forgetting the Paladin Mark mechanic?"
PC2: "Paladins are virtuous. Consistency is a virtue!"
Me: "Consistency is a hobgoblin. Hobgoblins are a kind of monster."

PC5: "My name is Merl, and this is my dwarf."

Me, as snotty German vampire NPC: "Hah! You fail again! I vish there was a word for the feeling of pleasure I am experiencing at vitnessing your misfortune!"[2]

PC5: "The Stick And Bucket Dance is something we do not talk about."

PC3: "How to determine if your mechanical Dragon is male or female."
PC2: "... SPROING!"

On coinage:
PC1: "For an accurate representation of a Phoenix, you'd need a bigger coin!"

On mine hardware:
Me: "Canaries? We use phoenixes. When it turns blue, run."

On haggis:
PC5: "The traditional ingredients are 'anything you can steal from your oppressive English overlord.'"

PC7: "It was a very crowded barn. They'd formed a sheep king!"

coming completely out of nowhere:
PC1: "Oh, not the clampy-clamps of Goatse!"
PC4: "VISUALS! OW!"

Me: "You broke the ladder so they'll have to fix that before they can repair the machinery? That's.... twisted."

PC6: "Abbott and Castellan? .... I'm so sorry."

PC3: "So we have the average everday fascism, here"
PC5: "Be fair, most fascist states are NOT zombie-powered."



[1]: PC2 had his science wrong, we know. That's okay!
[2]: I stole this from Community, for the record. But nobody else at the table had heard it before so it got a good laugh! Which is kind of sad because it means they don't watch Community. You should all watch Community.




EDIT: Oh hey, I missed a half-dozen that got stored in a different place.

On priests of the storm god and their internal bureaucracy:
PC3: "Paperwork is for SMASHING! Go KORD!"
PC1: "Temples of Kord do communion with a beer bong!"

PC2: "I'm too dead for this shit!"

Me: "The cloud of darkness does not extend to *inside* the dragon"

PC5: "In my head, the glidewings have turned into scaled demon cows with bat wings. This is awesome."

On happiness about new class features:
PC3: "I'm going to get to resurrect him!"


EDIT2: Oh hey, one last one.

Me: "PC1, it's your turn. You're Dominated, punch the wizard."
PC1: "Which power should I use? I have Dracula Slam and Thirst For Life."
Me: "What's the difference?"
PC1: "Dracula Slam does way more damage, Thirst For Life heals me."
Me: "The monster considers briefly whether or not healing you and not hurting the wizard is in his interest. It is not. PUNCH THE WIZARD."

Comments

[drhoz.livejournal.com]

I assume you've both seen the cosplay?

http://www.dakkadakka.com/gallery/6448-.html

[drcuriosity]

No, no I had not.

[drhoz.livejournal.com]

well, now you have :)