Because I haven't offended enough people today:

[theweaselking]

Jay brings the funny:

I've never understood why so many men have to resort to date rape drugs. Some of these guys are even pretty good looking, but they immediately spike a prospective date's drink, even though most mickey'd girls will end up swooning/puking at the club and will go home with a friend instead of the criminal who drugged her.

No. Instead, charm a girl. This shouldn't even have to be said. Make a woman laugh. Get her interested. Dance with her. And once you get her back to your place or even to a secluded parking lot, hit her with a brick.

Bricks are legal to own. They're cheap - you can get a pretty good brand new brick at the hardware store for like a buck. Old used ones are like everywhere.

The best part is you get a much more precise dosage with a brick. No worries about using too little - if so, hit her again! If you think she might remember the encounter, hit her again! If she's still struggling, bam! More brick! Accidentally overdo it, and now she's bleeding out? Hit her again! Problem solved (except for the midnight gardening part).

Bricks are reusable, eco-friendly, cheap and easy to get to. There is no good goddamned reason to resort to date rape drugs.

I'm a bad person for laughing.

Comments

[anivair.livejournal.com]

Gosh, i'm painfully sorry that the very definition of satire isn't enough for you. I'll make sure that in the future all satire is approved by the whole of humanity before it's printed.

hint: satire is an attack on something the author disapproves of. Usually they use wit and irony to make a laughable or at least very bad argument FOR the subject. If you missed that in the above, then enjoy your remedial reading courses.

[cacahuate.livejournal.com]

Everyone else on this thread has managed to be polite to me (having used their reading skills to determine that I'm looking for a civil discussion) and not assume I was stupid. Good job! Screw you.

For your benefit, though:
Saying something and not meaning it != attacking it

Difficult to comprehend, I know.

[anivair.livejournal.com]

It's exactly and in every way the definition of satire. If you think it's BAD satire, that's fine, but it's certainly satire.

Sorry if I attacked you. Getting attacked elsewhere in the post by virtue of my gender had me in a bad mood. You didn't deserve that.

But I fail to see why you don't think it's satire. I think it's a really obvious example, unless you are to believe that the author likes the idea of raping and/or killing women. I like to think that when the author is being that obvious about it, we can give him the benefit of the doubt for not being a psychopath.

In exactly the same way we give Johnathan Swift the benefit of the doubt for not being a baby cannibal.