I have seen the future.

Election officials move polling place out of community centre and mosque after death and bomb threats from Trump supporters.

[Poll #2049705]

Gun range serves alcohol.

[Poll #2021063]

This one via bruorton

Police Can’t Crack Mysterious Case Of More Than 100 Egging Attacks

A man's house has been struck by eggs more than 100 times in the last year, and police are unable to figure out who did it despite stakeouts, security cameras, egg analysis. One police officer was struck by an egg while investigating.

[Poll #2003431]

Police chief, fire chief, and police officer of small town revealed to be Klansmen by FBI.

[Poll #1991661]

Pastor cancels funeral, on the night before, by calling the dead man's mother, during the wake, to tell her that her son is going to hell and can't possibly have his funeral happen at that church.

Bonus: "Initially, Jenkins agreed to an on-camera interview, but the door was locked when the reporter showed up and he never answered any calls."

[Poll #1978384]

TSA agent doesn't believe Washington DC is in the USA, demands that DC passenger produce a passport.

[Poll #1975400]

Real True Headline: "Serial Raft Fucker Strikes Again"

"this isn't the first, not even the second, and not even the third time he's stuck it to a pool toy. This latest batch of raft fuckery makes it at least six times he's been caught engaging in relations with a raft. (Plus there was the time in 2002 he was caught fucking a pumpkin.)"

[Poll #1971628]

City Hall evacuated after walking stick found.

(The walking stick was a converted shower rod, and it had the owner's name "Natural Hunka Kaboom" on it, so they saw a pipe-bomb-looking thing labelled "Kaboom" and freaked out, making this pants-wetting terror stupidity and not just normal stupidity. In other news, yes, his real name is "Natural Hunka Kaboom".)

[Poll #1871561]

Man accused of stealing DVDs, fleeing scene in a car, returning to the scene, crashing the car, fleeing on foot, shaving his beard, returning to scene, attempting to head butt an officer, getting tazed. THE ARISTOCRATS.

Headline stolen wholesale from Fark.com, for the record.

[Poll #1858176]