I have seen the future.

I have a new carpet. It is AWESOME.

( Angus agrees. )

A SCENE from LAST NIGHT:

ABBY, a CAT: "I am enjoying my dinner quietly. Soon I will sleep. My life is awesome!"

[ANGUS, another CAT enters from offstage left, singing]

ANGUS: "Sex Robot, Sex Robot. Sex Robot, Sex Robot.... OH HAI THAR IS IT CAN BE SEXY TIEM NAO?"
ABBY: "Oh dear lord no. I do not like other cats at all, let alone want sex with you. I am 17 years old and have been spayed."
ANGUS: "BUT *IS* IT CAN BE SEXXY TIEMS?"
ABBY: "Your existence gives me diarrhea."
ANGUS: "Oh."

[A Brief Pause]

ANGUS: "Maybe nao?"
ABBY: "I am not into furry things 1/10 my age."
ANGUS: "Getting down, in your town?"
ABBY: "NO!"
ANGUS, bereft: "Okay."

[PIPER, a Large Dog enters from stage right]

PIPER: "Hi there! This sounds like fun. Can I join in? And what are 'sexxy tiems'?"
ABBY and ANGUS: "GO AWAY."
PIPER: "Oh."

[PIPER goes to sleep while pointedly Not Looking. A Brief Pause, after which Angus begins singing faintly]

ANGUS: "sex robot, sex robot."
ABBY: "You know I can throw this lovely ceramic bowl at you from here and it will shatter into dozens of razor-sharp shards on your thick useless skull, right?"

[ANGUS becomes quiet]

ABBY: "I must expel waste fluid from my sack of pee. You two stay here and amuse yourselves."
ANGUS: "OKAY!"
PIPER: "ANGUS has said something and that means he loves me and I love him! I must lick all things I love!"
ANGUS: "I will cut you."

[ABBY exits stage left.]

ANGUS: "Sexxy tiems with YOOO?"
PIPER: "Okay! What are sexxy tiems?"
ANGUS: "... your tail weighs as much as my entire body and is flailing furiously. Perhaps sexxy tiems are ill-advised."
PIPER: "I don't know what that means but I love you!"

[OFFSTAGE: There is, as it were, the sound of urination]

ANGUS: "IT IS CAN HAS BE SEXXY TIEMS NAO!"

[ANGUS charges off stage left. There is a howling and a sound of fighting and scattering litter]

PIPER: "OH BOY OH BOY OF BOY! Excitement! That means LOVE!"

[exeunt]

==================

Angus' ball-snipping is scheduled for Tuesday. This, apparently, cannot come soon enough.

This is Angus Maximus (because we really liked both "Angus" and "Max" for names.)

Angus is about a year old, and was found by jasmine_koran and snakey, lost, filthy, alone, and STARVING, in Montreal.

His current bones-visible state is after a week of good food and vet care, and also a shaving because man he was filthy.


(Yes, that is a hand-made Tombstone Frank "Last Rites" shirt you're seeing in the background. BE JEALOUS)

But yeah. No microchip, not neutered, found lost and on the edge of starvation.

He's a lovely friendly helpful cat, and he's the most tolerant cat ever - because he put up with all the strangers and THE BOX OF DOOM and the vet and the car ride and all the rest, without any of us even once getting scratched.

He is my cat now, and he will stay that way.


(Pictured here: Angus and King Jasper The Munificent, who is allowing Angus to share his view of The Backe Yarde in Montreal)